Tuesday, August 23, 2005


I was thinking the other day about a thought I was thinking of thinking about, but I thought I had forgotten the thought I was thinking of. I think the thought that escaped me was a thought about the thought I was thinking of thinking about. So I forgot about the thought about the thought I was thinking of thinking about and began to think directly about the thought I was thinking of thinking about. Unfortunately, the thinking about the thought I was thinking of thinking about required much more thinking than I had originally thought and I had to cut my thinking short. So now I’m left with a partial thought about the thought I was thinking of thinking about and a complete thought about a thought on the thought I was thinking of thinking about. I think.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Random Thoughts

Some random thoughts that I've had while sitting around my apartment watching TiVoed "The Daily Show":

Jewel's Law:
When you forget your Jewel Card, everything you buy could have been discounted; when you bring your Jewel Card, nothing you buy can be discounted.

You learn a lot about Jeff by knowing that the last place I look for my coat is in the closet.

I worry about cancer. Not in a personal way, but in a general way.

It's only cheesy if you don't mean it.

One day I'll have an idea that will save me from the 9-to-5 drudgery that I'm currently living; today is not that day.

Sometimes I think that Bob Dylan is given too much credit, but then I immediately think I'm not giving him enough credit.

Memory can work for you and against you at the exact same time. Thinking about this makes my head hurt.

I am extremely picky about many things. The tissue I use is not one of those things.

I really like to dance around my room while listening to my music collection. Is there any way I can get paid for that?

Instigate silly.

My dad is a Senator. My uncle is an astronaut. That makes me both interesting and boring at the same time.

Every year I think that I should send out Christmas cards to people, but then I realize that only married people and old people do that.

Sometimes being the bigger person just doesn't give you the satisfaction you were looking for.

We need more songs like the Black Eyed Peas' "Let's Get Retarded."

Friday, August 19, 2005


There is a soreness in my mind. It's not a headache. It's a dullness, a worn quality. It's from overuse. From neglect. It's from the things that are there and from the things that are not there. Mostly it's from the things that are almost there but not quite. The items on the cusp. The things that I am about to discover but I never quite do. The connections I've almost made. The puzzles I've almost solved. The bits of progress that I've made that have almost lead to something. The points where my intellect has failed me. I'm able to learn, to move forward. I think, I advance I gain knowledge, but I never finish. I've overlooked simplicity and it keeps me from progressing. The pain that I feel is my loss of ease. The weight of thought. The burden of logic. The misplacement of truth.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Why Terrell Owens is Good for the NFL

There are two sides to every story. Unfortunately, this T.O. saga has its upside.

The NFL is in pre-season mode. Starters are only on the field for the first quarter – if even that long. The rest is just training camp news and injury updates. The most compelling reason to watch a pre-season game is to see if one of the big name players gets hurt. Not exactly the most exciting time to be watching football. Plus, there are plenty of other good sporting events going on right now.

The Major Leagues are starting to close in on the pennant and wild-card races, Rafael Palmeiro has just come back from his steroid suspension, Phil Mickelson just won the PGA Championship and Tony Stewart is tearing up NASCAR. Yet, what is everyone talking (and writing) about? Terrell Owens.

Aside from the approximately four months when the NFL players aren’t suiting up at all, mini-camp and training camp has to be the least interesting time of the year. We can only hear so much about two-a-days and wind sprints and whose hammy is feeling a little sore. T.O. has changed that. He’s engineered a very public (see my previous post) and acrimonious hold out that has everyone watching. He has single-handedly taken the spotlight from every other sport and turned it upon him and therefore the NFL. People are looking for every little bit of T.O. info and then they end up sticking around for some of the other training camp reports. Don’t think this won’t carry over into the regular season. I’ll be willing to bet that the Eagles games (especially the opening Monday night game) will be some of the highest rated games of the season. Why? Everyone wants to see what he’ll do next. Will he scream at Andy Reid on the sidelines? Will he pull a poster of himself out of his pants and dance with it for his latest touchdown celebration? Will he finally talk McNabb in to punching him in the face?

No matter what you might hear from NFL management about how T.O. is a nuisance who is giving the game a bad name, there are managers in NFL headquarters saying, “Hey, our ratings our up. Let Pepsi know it’s going to be $20 million a minute for a Super Bowl ad this year. Twice that if Owens is playing.”

Paul Tagliabue (and the rest of the NFL management) has got it made right now. The fans are on his side. He can come out and say that Terrell Owens is a low-class doofus and the fans will cheer. Meanwhile, he gets to enjoy the benefits of the publicity the low-class doofus is bringing to the league. Pretty good gig if you can get it.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

There's A Better Way, T.O.

Everyone has his or her opinion on Terrell Owens, and that's exactly the way that he wants it. We can all talk about how he's a huge jerk and how we'll all be happy when he finally has to cave in and show up for the Eagles. The issue, which has been lost at this point, is that T.O. is unhappy with his current contract. He believes that he's outperformed his current contract and that Eagles should renegotiate the contract so that he can make even more money. He's currently making $7 million a year.

The Eagles are standing pat. They argue that Owens signed his seven year deal last year, and that he should live with it. They don't need to renegotiate because he's got a contract. They're right.

Unfortunately, this isn't really the issue. The issue is that Owens needs to be in the spotlight. He needs to be making waves, he needs to have reporters outside his house and he needs constant attention. He believes he is bigger than the game and because of that, he will always be a headache for the team and his teammates.

Last year everything was great and Owens and McNabb were rumored to be best buddies. The Eagles went to the Super Bowl and he even made a a bit of a heroic comeback for the Super Bowl from a nasty ankle injury. The Eagles came up a bit short and the offseason came along and people stopped talking about T.O. This bothered T.O. So he fired his agent, picked up super agent Drew Rosenhaus and demanded that the Eagles renegotiate.

Normally, I would have no issue with this - if it was handled correctly - but Owens went straight to the press and made it very clear that he was upset and would probably hold out of camp. A true professional would have handled this quietly between the team and his agent. Not Owens. He needs everyone to know. He decided to carry out this "negotiation" in the media. The Eagles wouldn't play ball. He thinks that he is big enough to force the Eagles to do whatever he wants. He's wrong.

Now, it's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure he's completely forgotten that he's supposed to be upset about his contract. He's just eating up the attention. He showed up for camp and immediately came down with a groin injury. Then he got in an arguement with coach Andy Reid and got sent home for a week. The very next day, he was out in his driveway doing situps for the media and shooting hoops. Of course, he was firing off quotes left and right and loving the attention. All the while, he was happy as can be. If he really gave a damn about football or anything besides himself, he'd still be in camp and he would have been there in the first place.

What he doesn't realize - or care to realize - is that the best way for him to get a new contract is to keep his mouth shut and go out and help the Eagles win their first Super Bowl. Do your talking on the field by using your extraordinary skills to win football games. Then you'll get all the attention you could ever want. I know some Philly fans and anyone who is on a Super Bowl championship team for the Eagles will be a hero for life. Everyone will talk about you forever. Philly - as harsh as it can be - is one of the most savvy sports cities in America and they are starved for a championship. T.O., if you want people to pay attention PLAY SOME FOOTBALL.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Ben Folds and Some Other Suckbag

Last night I went to Ravinia to see Ben Folds. I believe that it was technically a double bill with Ben and Rufus Wainwright because there was an opening act before them, Ben Lee.

My girlfriend and I gathered up some picnic-type goods and headed to the venue. When we arrived, we ran into some of her friends who had lawn seats and we sat down and ate with them while listening to Ben Lee. He did a fun little set of some upbeat pop songs and cracked a few jokes about what a huge honor it was to be a contributor to the soundtrack for "Deuce Bigelow European Gigolo." I enjoyed him and I'll probably even try to track down some of his stuff on the Internet.

There was a brief break before Rufus Wainwright came on and my girlfriend and I made our way to our seats in the pavilion. I am not familiar with Rufus at all. I've heard one of his songs and felt pretty so-so about it. I was told by many people beforehand that he is "awesome" and "SO good". I was interested to see this guy that everyone was raving about. He came on and started playing and I was immediately bored. B-O-R-E-D bored. All of his songs sounded exactly the same as he whined over some slow moving guitar chords. Sure, it was a soulful whine, but it still sucked. By the third song, the only thing that was keeping me entertained was making fun of the contrast between his speaking voice (that of a flamingly gay man) and his heavy, whiny singing voice. Of course, the Rufus fans around me were ready to strike me dead on the spot. They did no such thing. His set finally ended with him announcing that his last song has become a bit of a "protest song" and the thought that immediately entered my head was, "Yeah, I'm protesting. Because you're still on stage."

Another break while they changed the equipment for Ben Folds. During this time, I tried to wake up from the nap that was Rufus Wainwright. Ben finally came on and opened with the first track from his new album, "Bastard." I knew that this show would probably be heavy on songs from "Songs for Silverman" but I didn't mind as I like the album quite a bit. He sprinkled in a few of his older songs ("One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces", "Philosophy", "Zak and Sara", "Not the Same", "Still Fighting It", "Brick"). During "Philosophy" he actually broke some strings in his piano because he was pounding so hard. He opened the piano, pulled out the strings and beat them against his chest like Tarzan. He did very little talking and just played song after song after song. He never really gave us a "break." I thought he was about to slow it down for a bit when he started playing "Gracie" but after the standard opening, he kicked it into high-gear and turned it into a full-fledged rock n' roll song. He closed up with "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" and left the crowd feeling energized and satisfied. I enjoyed it exactly as much as I expected to - which is to say a lot.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

If It Looks Like a Minivan...

I'm not stupid. Why do car companies think I'm stupid? Why do they insist on telling me that a minivan is not a minivan?

Every time I see a commercial for a minivan, it's always centered on how this vehicle is not really a minivan. Sure, it looks like a minivan but it's got this sleek new look. It's got these sweet flip-down video screens. Hey look, you can even fold down the seats and stow your kayak because we know you're an active mother. You know, you have all sorts of time for kayaking while your nanny is raising your child. Plus, we'd hate you to buy our car because you actually want to admit that you're a practical mother who has time for her children. No, no. We want to be part of your masquerade. We want to help you pretend that you don't actually have children and maybe even make people think that you're not married. You know, you're a MILF after all and what good is being a MILF if you can't shop yourself around and maybe get a little cock? You know what we're talking about. We're just going to come right out and say it: This miniva... rather, sport um... vehicle will get you laid. You work hard, mom. You should cum hard, too.

We're here to help. Buy our minivan.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

The Masterpiece

It's not considered an honor to be considered a one-hit wonder. Often times, these one-hit wonders are openly ridiculed. Mostly we think of musicians like Dexy's Midnight Runners, or Vanilla Ice. However, one-hit wonders can be authors, painters, actors or athletes as well. They can each have their moment of genius only to fade away.

Should we begrudge them this moment of genius? Each of these one-hit wonders gave us something that we loved or were inspired by. Is it any less worthwhile because the creator of that moment could only do it once? Should we place less significance on it because of the person who created it? I say no.

We've all experienced those moments where we were inspired by something great and were able to rise above our normal abilities and produces something better than we ever had before. Maybe this has happened multiple times, maybe it's only happened once. However in those moments we are truly achieving. It doesn't matter what came before or what comes after. That moment when we are inspired is pure and real and legitimate.

Sure, it's sad if that moment only happens once in my life, but it doesn't mean that the work I created in that moment is any less valuable.

Of course, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't keep making fun of Vanilla Ice for myriad other reasons.