Thursday, April 27, 2006

A Den of Deceit

Have you ever been to Aaron's? You know, the electronics store. Maybe you haven't heard of it. Actually, you probably haven't heard of it. I hadn't heard of it until I started regularly attending Arena Football games. It seems that Aaron's is the major sponsor of the AFL. They've paid what is almost certainly a modest amount of money for this honor. It's funny what your money can buy.

Part of Aaron's deal with the AFL is that they sponsor the all-star dance squad for the Arena Bowl. This year, Aaron's decided that online voting would determine the dance team. All AFL fans (or anyone who found the site) could look through all of the members of each AFL teams' dance squads. We could go vote as many times as we want for whomever we want. I did just that. Many, many, many of my friends also voted. Many, many, times. We all voted for one person. Many, many, many of her friends voted in the same way as well. Strangely, many of the girls on the team had no idea there was even online voting at all. This seems as if the girl we voted for had quite an advantage. She did. Seems like she would have won this hands down.

She did not.

The girl that was chosen was not the one that received this incredible number of votes. It was someone else. The votes were not and will not be revealed. This allows Aaron's to keep a lid on their ruse. Of course, I have no idea if the girl I and hundreds of other people voted for hundreds and hundreds of times actually received the most votes. I can only speculate...

And now, some lies of my own about Aaron's:
1) Aaron's will lie to you at every opportunity.
2) All Aaron's equipment and furniture is supplied to them by criminals.
3) If you dare try to return merchandise to Aaron's they will beat you with a rubber hose or a lead pipe - whichever is most handy.
4) Aaron - the namesake of the store - had twelve kittens as a child. He drowned them all.
5) That charming salesman you bought that plasma TV from is a cannibal.

...and I will continue to speculate until Aaron's reveals the vote tallies and shows us who the real winners are. If Aaron's has chosen the women with the highest vote tallies then there should be no problem.

Aaron's, stop your lies and show us the votes.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Look Elsewhere

I just posted a new story on one of my other blogs, Industrial Whumpus. It's a writing project with two of my other friends where we give each other suggestions and write stories based on those suggestions. Enjoy.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Where's My Money?

I turned thirty in January, and I'm still not rich. I don't quite understand what is going on. I've done everything right. I have middle-class, to upper-middle-class parents. I went to a prestigious university. I got a good job at a major corporation in a big city. I've lived in all the right neighborhoods. I went to the right bars on the weekends. I experimented with drugs, but none of the really bad ones. I've read the classics, or at least know enough about most of them to fake it. I wear sweaters.

Yet somehow, I'm not rich.

I did all the things that rich white people do to get rich. I figured that was it. Maybe I need the secret password. I just thought that at some point The Man would come down and give me a ton of money for free. That's how it works with white guys, right?

I've seen Chris Rock's stand-up act. White people are treated differently. We live in a different world. Why haven't I been invited?

Where's my money, The Man?