Thursday, August 30, 2007
He's already proven to be a great recruiter in his short time at ND and we'll get to see on Saturday if he's as effective once the players get on the field.
Monday, August 27, 2007
I am very angry with you right now. You are so selfish. I write in you everyday, but you never respond. You totally suck. For real. I mean, seriously, I totally pour my heart out to you every day and you give nothing back. You just sit there. Okay, maybe your pages turn a little yellow but that's not even close to what I've done for you. I mean, I like totally tell you all of my deepest, darkest secrets. Like remember when I had that huge crush on Clay Stephenson? I told you all about it. I told you how he used to wear that rugby shirt that totally made his blue eyes sparkle. Especially when he looked at me. I even told you about how he kissed me and tried to go up my shirt but I wouldn't let him even though I totally wanted to. I'm not a slut.
Anyway, my point is that I give and give and give and all you do is take and take and take. Kinda like Clay. He never told me how he felt. He just wanted to make out all the time. He wouldn't even hold my hand in public. But he didn't have any problems trying to touch my boobs when we were alone. By the way, Diary, I did eventually let him touch my boobs (over my bra) but I didn't tell you because I was waiting for you to share some of your secrets with me but you never did. So I never told you about it. See what happens when you don't put effort into our relationship? Secrets. Secrets happen. True friends should never have secrets.
If you want to save this relationship and ever hear any more of my secrets - and I have some big ones. Like how I let Clay's best friend Brad totally finger-fuck me after like the second time we made out just to piss Clay off for being such a jerk. That's the first time I ever let anyone do that. I'm not a slut. That's a pretty big secret, huh? You won't get any more secrets like that if you don't start sharing. It doesn't have to be anything big at first, maybe just who you have a crush on. I swear I won't tell. Not even Brad - and I'm thinking about giving him a handjob. See?! There's another big secret. C'mon, just share a little something with me. If you care about me, you will.
Oooh, Clay just called. He's totally jealous, I can tell. I know that Brad totally told him everything we did together because they are best friends and guys like to talk about what they get to do to girls. Clay was all, "I'm sorry about the way I treated you," and I was like, "Yeah? Well, it's too late. I'm totally going out with Brad now." He said that he knows but that he just really wanted to call and apologize. He also said that he feels bad for apologizing over the phone and that he would rather do it in person and that I should come over right now because his parents aren't home and we could have a serious conversation without being interrupted. He's so sweet. I think I'm going to go over there after I finish this. I wonder what I should wear?
For reals, Diary. You need to start giving back. I'm feeling extremely unsatisfied because I'm the only one giving anything up and it totally feels like you're taking advantage of me. I expect to hear some juicy stuff soon.
Friday, August 24, 2007
"He's come in and specifically worked on the things I didn't do so well
last year. Stepping up in the pocket, making sure I have two hands of the ball,
going through my reads and staying balanced at the top of my drop. To not have
to do that on your own or try to make someone help you with something is just
Let me count the number of things wrong with this quote. First, this is not something that the leader of a team would ever say. That may be the biggest issue we have here. Just like everyone else in society, nothing is his fault. Second, stepping up in the pocket, keeping two hands on the ball, going through reads and staying balanced is something that you learn to do in high school. If you're not doing these things as an NFL quarterback, you should be working on them on your own.
Don't get your hopes up, Bears fans. This guy isn't leading you to a championship.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I can't afford all of these things. I can't even afford one of these things right now since I just bought two new TVs. Someday I'll find that money tree and I'll have all the cool toys I want. Until then I'll just have to settle for looking at them on the Internet.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
The Colts and Bears played last night in a pre-season game. The Bears won 27-24 and the Chicago papers claimed "Sweet revenge". Really? Do they realize it's pre-season? The games don't count. Can Bears fans possibly be so desperate as to think that this win constitutes revenge? Probably not, but you wouldn't guess it from reading the newspapers.
Nine days until the Irish face off against Georgia Tech.
Monday, August 20, 2007
1) The easy to read list format.
2) It is concise.
3) Ensures that you don't actually have to think about consequences.
2) Nobody actually thinks this way.
3) The negative points are the last thing you read, leaving a bad taste in your mouth.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Batman Begins is playing on one of the movie channels. I can't tell you how much I love this movie. This movie has taken the super-hero/comic book genre and raised it to a new level. With Batman Begins, they found a way to make a super-hero movie real. It helps that the hero in the movie is simply an extraordinary man and not some kind of genetic freak, alien or otherwise enhanced superhuman. However, it's not just the idea that Batman is the most possible of super-heroes, but that the movie has found a way to take something that was once only able to be expressed in comic or cartoon form and make it real.
By the way, TiVo is awesome. It's allowing me to pause Pan's Labyrinth so that I can type this.
Unfortunately, Batman Begins has raised my expectations of what these kind of movies should be. It's Batman Begins' fault that I hated Transformers. It's Batman Begins' fault that I was disappointed in Spiderman 2 & 3. It's Batman Begins' fault that I'll probably hate the new Iron Man movie (if I ever see it). And it's Batman Begins' fault that I'll forever cringe at cheesy and wink-at-the-camera lines in every movie in the genre that I'll ever see again.
Damn you, Batman Begins. I love you Batman Begins.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
My friend Eric and I ate our lunch outdoors and caught glimpses of them between the buildings around us. We then headed up to the 37th floor balcony of our building and watched from there. Eric even snapped a few good pictures of the jets swooping between the buildings.
Tomorrow, I'll try to get some of my own pictures and post them here.
Immediately after the engagement, we scheduled the church and the reception hall. Since then Dee has picked out the bridesmaids dresses and found her dress as well. Of course, we've picked and asked all of the wedding party. Now we have to buckle down and really start getting into the rest of the planning. I have been tasked with scheduling the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. My original hook up for the honeymoon looks like it is going to fall through, so I'll have to branch out and schedule it just like the common folk. Having a rehearsal dinner in the city is looking to be quite pricey. We originally wanted to go to a tapas place, but it looks like it's going to be more than we really want to spend. Dee has suggested pizza and beer as a possibility, but I'm not sold on the idea. I've never been to a rehearsal dinner like that before.
Last night we worked on figuring out what will be on the website. We have the basic idea for the site, I just need to gather the content before I send it off to our web designer. I think we have to start going to food tastings soon, but I'm not sure - that's on Dee's list.
One thing that Dee didn't put on my list is finding tuxedos for the groomsmen. I'm going to assume that's my job.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Marty gave us our scripts and we spent our time reading through them last night. He had all of the music prepared and we sang a little, but mostly listened. I've got a couple scenes that I'm really excited about - one where I sing and one where I rap. I can't say much more than that without ruining it for you.
Overall, I think this show will be fun. It's the usual cast of me, Jason, Tristan, Molly and Marty with the addition of Alaina this time. We had fun just reading the scripts last night and giving Marty a hard time for his typos. I'm sure that fun will spill over into the shows.
Time to start memorizing.
Monday, August 13, 2007
That's why I'm fighting this ridiculous battle with my building and Directv. For the Colts. The defending Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Now I have to figure out how to get this resolved with my building. In the meantime I've got two new HD TVs and no HD service.
What a pain in the ass.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Dee and I are now home for a short break in our party hopping. We had every intention of taking a quick nap so that we would be rested up for the housewarming party we are to attend tonight. However, Dee found "Little Miss Sunshine" playing on one of the movie channels. I watched that instead of napping. Dee dozed in and out. Man, I love that movie. I alternate between laughing and crying at the end. I'm a sap - and I guess I don't care who knows it since I'm posting it for the world to see. Not that the whole world will see it. Just you.
Time for another party.
Friday, August 10, 2007
I'm sitting here watching the Bills-Saints pre-season game. I'm excited that football is back. Oh, how I've missed you, football.
I'm worried about the Colts this season. The defense has been decimated by free agency and injury. We've still got Freeney, though. And Dungy has been able to patch together defenses in the past. You know, like last year. When the Colts won the Super Bowl.
The Irish aren't going to be anywhere near a championship game this year. Almost all of the big stars graduated. We're going to see a lot of Charlie's recruits get some real playing time this season. The big question is who will be starting at quarterback. There are three guys in contention and Charlie isn't tipping his hand just yet.
Notre Dame has a very, very tough opening schedule. Georgia Tech at home, at Penn State, at Michigan (which I have tickets for), Michigan State at home, at Purdue, at UCLA, BC at home and at USC. They finish up with Navy, Air Force, Duke and Stanford. It could get ugly this year, but I wouldn't count on it. That's just not something Charlie will let happen.
I have a show tonight. I'm completely wiped out from the week. I need to catch a nap before or I'll be worthless. Although, I usually do best when I'm dead ass tired.
Man, Apple keeps putting out stuff that I want. The new iMac is pretty sweet. The new iPhone is pretty sweet. Apple TV is pretty cool.
I could use a vacation.
Dick Vermeil is crying about Bill Walsh right now.
I hate my cell phone. I hate it. Verizon sucks. 100% sucks. Can you hear me now?
People on the train smell bad. Especially when it's hot.
Most commercials are stupid. However I love this one. "What the french, toast?!"
I think I've posted that before.
I had pizza.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Below, I'll break down each part of the process and give my thoughts on how it went, how it could be better and anything else I think of to say.
The writing process for Jerkology was very disjointed. When I decided that I wanted to write a sketch show, I didn't have a theme or general idea in mind. I just wanted to come up with the funniest sketches that I could and see if a theme developed. I had notebooks full of ideas and about three or four sketches that were already written when I sat down to write some more to try to fill out the show. The completed sketches that I had ranged in age from a few days to a year old. Therefore, I didn't have a single thread in mind and my sketches just came to me from random ideas that popped up in my life. For this reason, the writing felt less like a process and more like a series of individual tasks.
Once I thought I had enough sketches to make a show, I reviewed them all to see if a theme emerged. At first I struggled a bit because they all seemed completely disconnected. Once I started thinking about how the actors would play the characters in the sketches, I realized that I wrote parts for a bunch of jerks. Then I realized. This show is a study on jerks - jerkology.
I began organizing the sketches into a show-esque running order and realized that there was still something missing. I then wrote what ended up being the second and fourth monologues (named Time and Seeing) and wrote the closing song. Dee helped me choreograph an opening dance and I had a show.
The rehearsal process was fairly brief. We had about eight rehearsals and I was originally worried that it wouldn't be enough. After the first rehearsal where the actors were to be off-book, I knew that we wouldn't need any more than that. In hindsight, I wish that we had had one or two more rehearsals so that we could polish the material a little more even though the first show went very well.
My favorite part of the rehearsal process was watching Jason, Marty, Tristan and Aaron interpret the scenes and find their characters. They really didn't need much direction, but took direction very well when I gave it. Marty had a great idea on how to deliver his monologue and it went over very well with the audience and created the effect he had hoped it would. Jason provided the extra little bit that put You Stink over the top (and he wasn't even in that scene). Tristan provided the suggestion that lead to the idea of completely revamping Adopted from it's originally written form and turned it into a mostly improvised scene where Jason was the only one with any written lines and Marty just improvised. Aaron brought his magic to Deal or No Deal and Elephant Fucker as I knew he would.
In the future, I think I will take a little more time between the first reading and the first actual rehearsal to think a little more about the direction of each and every character in the scenes. I pretty much let the cast run free from the very beginning and I got the feeling that they were looking for a little more direction from me. They eventually got it where they needed it, but I think I could have saved some time by offering my vision a little earlier in the process.
Music and props. Those were the two big things I had to worry about before we could actually put this show on stage. Fortunately, this show didn't require many props so I didn't have to spend a lot of time looking around for things. Plus, the cast brought a lot of their own costuming to the show. I only had to buy a case and bald cap for Deal or No Deal, some tiny martini glasses for State School and Cheetos, Ho-Hos and a can of Coke for Junk Food Dealer. Anything else was brought by the cast.
Music was a different story. I had to find songs to play pre-show, between scenes and post-show. This was probably the hardest part for me as I struggled to find songs to follow up each scene. I don't have much else to say about this so I'll just include the entire playlist I used for the show:
Friend of the Devil - Grateful Dead
Hello, My Treacherous Friends - Ok Go
Italian Leather Sofa - Cake
The Slow Descent into Alcoholism - New Pornographers
The Dirty Glass - Dropkick Murphys
Hair of the Dog - Nazareth
Helter Skelter - Beatles
Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
Chinese Bombs - Blur
In-show: (all songs are played during the transition between scenes unless otherwise noted)
Sabotage - Beastie Boys (opens the show)
The Safety Dance - Men with Hats (in scene)
Beat It - Michael Jackson (in scene)
Clap Hands - Beck
Pretty Vegas - INXS
We Can Work It Out - Stevie Wonder
Streetcorner Symphony - Rob Thomas
Toxic - Local H
We Are All On Drugs - Weezer
The Rockafeller Skank - Fatboy Slim
Bright Future in Sales - Fountains of Wayne
Juicy - Better Than Ezra
A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley
Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
Killing in the Name - Rage Against the Machine
Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction
My Best Friend - Weezer
Naked Eye - Luscious Jackson
Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves
Song 2 - Blur
Illinois Loyalty - University of Michigan Band (in scene and transition)
So Long Farewell - From the Sound of Music
Get the Fuck Out - Skid Row
Get Over It - Ok Go
Root Down - Beastie Boys
Over the Cliff - Old 97s
Bury Me With It - Modest Mouse
I won't say too much about the performances here since you can go back and read all of the other Jerkology posts about each of the shows. The first show went very well and the audience loved it. Unfortunately, I had to perform all of Aaron's parts in the second show. That show got reviewed by Time Out Chicago (http://www.timeout.com/chicago/index.jsp) and he pretty much hated it. Fortunately, the review didn't get published until the last week of the show. The run peaked in the second to last show which was easily our best show. Unfortunately, we couldn't sustain it for the last week.
In the end, I'm happy with the shows that we put up.
I now know that the twisted shit that pops into my head is funny to other people, not just me. I think this show turned out about like I expected it to. It certainly wasn't a mega-hit, but it definitely holds its own against some SNL episodes I've seen recently. I definitely have an idea of what I can do now. With little time and focus I know that I can create something even better.
Now I just have to get back to work.
While I was working out yesterday, I was subjected to seeing the home run over and over and over. I watched him celebrate outside the batters' box and trot around the bases until he stomped with both feet on home plate and raised his hands to the sky again. His son rushed out of the dugout and hugged (and probably said something like, "Congrats. I love you, dad.) him as he stood at home plate but Barry didn't move. Barry never returned the hug to his son. Barry never even acknowledged him after he let go. Bonds turned to his teammates and celebrated with them briefly. Barry Bonds is so much about Barry Bonds that he couldn't even return his son's hug while he stood at home plate. It was almost as if Barry was annoyed that his son was stealing his spotlight. This is why people hate you, Barry. You only give a damn about yourself. That's why you took steroids and got huge after Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire had their little home run chase. You couldn't stand not being in the spotlight.
I just hope A-Rod stays healthy long enough to break the new record.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
1) Can we please do away with the pleasantries at the beginning of your first response? The thanking and kissing up to the people of Chicago and the AFL-CIO makes you look like a smarmy politician. Everyone but Kucinich did this.
2) Speaking of Kucinich, that guy is a bulldog. He is fired up tonight and he's actually giving an answer or two.
3) Does anyone get the feeling that even the Democrats don't like John Edwards? I don't think they hate him only because he's beautiful.
4) Hillary Clinton earned the first boos of the night by criticizing Obama. Don't take on the hometown guy, sister. On top of that she basically said that a President shouldn't say what he or she thinks. That's a slippery slope.
5) Joe Biden earned the loudest boos by not answering a question he was asked. I don't mean that he avoided the question with spin and poli-speak. He actually addressed something one of the other candidates said instead of answering the question.
6) Obama seems a little off tonight. He's stumbling over his words a bit, but he seems the most natural and sincere.
7) I've completely forgotten about Bill Richardson for this entire debate.
8) Joe Biden likes to talk a lot about what Joe Biden has done. Not so much about what Joe Biden is going to do.
9) Where did Chris Dodd come from?
10) None of the candidates can tell time.
11) "Insiders" is Edwards' term for "people with actual civil service jobs."
12) Barack Obama: "George Bush has been a disaster." Amen.
13) Joe Biden is one cocky son of a bitch. I kinda like it.
14) Dennis Kucinich: "I am the Seabiscuit of this campaign."
Since he was out of our hair early, we were able to pile the broken TV back into Dee's car and take it back to Best Buy. The manager was helpful and told us that they actually had another model in the back. She went and got it for us and brought it to the front. We asked if they could deliver it for us tonight since we've had so much trouble. They said they couldn't do it. After some wrangling, we got them to take $150 off of the price and we took it home ourselves. However, we spent a good hour in the store while they tried to figure out how to credit our account and then place the purchase for the other TV. Eventually, they figured it out and we loaded the TV into Dee's car and drove it home.
I plugged it in and it actually worked this time. We have a TV.
I'm consistently blown away by the inability of customer service to get anything right these days. I've had trouble with Directv orders before and this experience with Best Buy has been a huge pain in the ass. I'm very simply trying to buy what these people sell and they can't even get it right. It amazes me that these companies stay in business.
Monday, August 06, 2007
We got to the hotel just in time for Dee to meet up with the girls for their day of manicures and such and I caught the rest of my foursome heading out to the golf course. I hopped a ride with them. We had a little trouble finding the golf course since the directions weren't very good and they decided to put the clubhouse underground so you can't see it from the road. We eventually teed off and started the longest round of golf in the history of man. We took just over six hours to play 18 holes. By the end I was completely wiped out due to the heat (it was over 90 degrees all day) but starting to hit some decent shots (this was only my third time on a golf course). Every time I golf, I am completely frustrated but can see how the game is addictive. I need to get on horn to my brother and see if he's got some old clubs I can steal from him.
Once we finally finished our marathon round of golf, we stopped in the clubhouse for a beer and then headed back to the hotel to clean up and get ready for the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner was your typical rehearsal dinner and I spent most of the time nursing one beer. Some people went out afterwards, but I headed back to the hotel and was out like a light.
Dee had to wake up early on Saturday to get her hair done, but I was able to sleep in. I got up around 11am and decided to walk around downtown Peoria to find something to eat. It was like a ghost town. There were very few places to eat and the ones I did find weren't open. I gave up looking for food and was heading back to the hotel to order room service when I stumbled upon a place that was just opening up (at noon!). The one guy behind the counter was nice enough to make me a sandwich. He was the only other human I saw all afternoon. I saw plenty of tumbleweeds, though.
Once I had finished foraging for food in downtown Peoria, I had just enough time to get back to the hotel to clean up and throw on my suit. I caught a ride to the church and found a seat on the bride's side. The wedding was nice and your typical Catholic wedding. The only hitch was when the reader of the Psalm read the Prayers of the Faithful instead. However, the lady who was to actually read the Prayers of the Faithful improvised by writing down some new prayers on the back of her program so that we didn't have to hear the same thing twice. Very nicely done.
We had some time to kill before the reception started, and we used the bars in the area to fill that time. I had a couple of drinks and schmoozed with some of the people who arrived late on Friday. It was mostly the boyfriends and fiancees of the bridesmaids. A good crowd of people to help you kill time.
The reception hall was very large and very nice. It was in the Peoria Civic Center. Dinner was good, not remarkable, but not terrible. Unfortunately, the DJ didn't have a good feel for the crowd and was very hit or miss all night. Mostly miss. The reception went very late and everyone got very drunk. After the reception, most everyone went to Big Al's - a strip club. Dee and I only stayed for about a half hour before the sadness overwhelmed us and we went back to the hotel to crash.
Waking up on Sunday morning was not easy, but we managed to do it. Since we were close to Bloomington-Normal, Dee wanted to show me where she spent her college years. We coordinated with Kathleen who wanted to show her boyfriend around as well. The plan was to go to The Pub and get some lunch. They are supposed to have the best "cheese balls" in the world. Unfortunately, The Pub doesn't open until 4pm during the summer so we had to settle for Chili's instead. I managed to put down a few fries and about half of my burger before I needed to stop eating. Then we hopped in the car and made the long drive back to Chicago. Thankfully, Dee was up for driving. She's the best.
As soon as we got home, we settled in for a nap. We woke up around 8pm, put a pizza in the oven and settled down to watch our Sunday shows (The 4400, Entourage, Flight of the Conchords) on our new TV. Wait, our new TV doesn't work. We watched on our regular TV. Ugh. Welcome home.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Once I got it plugged in, I walked around to the front and pushed the power button. Nothing happened. I tried a different outlet. Nothing. Then another. Nothing. The little indicator light that lets you know that it's getting power didn't even light up. They gave us a bum ass TV. After all of the shit we went through, the fucking thing doesn't even work.
Fuck that. Fuck that for real.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
1) A bow and arrow is useless against you.
2) It comes with a free lance.
3) Metal wicks better than you think.
1) The codpiece chafes.
2) Forget about sneaking up on anyone.
3) No one uses bows and arrows anymore.