- Wear so much Icy-Hot that the entire gym reeks of the stuff.
- Loudly grunt while lifting weights.
- Do everything as fast as you possibly can - especially on the back extension machine.
- Wear the same clothes every day and make sure you don't wash them.
- Crank the incline on the treadmill as high as it will go and then hold on to the display the entire time.
- Hoard the free weights.
- Walk around barefoot.
- Use at least half a can of the gym supplied deodorant. Make sure it's in a spot where everyone has to walk through the cloud.
- Talk to the girl who's trucking it on the treadmill at about 8.0mph - especially if she has headphones on.
- Don't re-rack your weights.
- Steal towels.
- Don't wipe down the machine when you are done.
- Pee in the shower.
- Blow dry your chest hair.
- Leave your towels for the cleaning crew to pick up.
- Wear shorts that are too short or shirts that are too tight.
- Set the treadmill to 2.0mph and talk to your best friend on the treadmill next to you the whole time.
- Always choose the locker directly next to the only one that's locked.
- Farmer blow.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
How To Be a Douchebag at the Gym
I've spent many years in the gym and I've discovered that there are some sure-fire ways to be considered "that douchebag" while working out. Follow the guidelines below and you too can be a douchebag.