Dear Senator John McCain,
This starting to get a little awkward. You seem to have the wrong impression of me. Specifically, you seem to think that I am a card-carrying Republican. I've received several letters from you asking for money for your campaign that include phrases like "our Party" and the improperly punctuated "Obama Democrats empty rhetoric." I appreciate the fact that this kind of - yeah, I'm going to say it - rhetoric works on Party die-hards. Unfortunately for you, I am not a Party die-hard which means that I lose whatever respect I had left for you when I read these words: "Americans don't want to hand a victory to al Qaeda -- the Obama Democrats do." I find the tone of the letter most insulting. Suddenly, you feel the need to closely identify with the Republican Party when you've spent the entire campaign painting yourself as a "maverick." Aside from thinking I'm a Republican, do you also think I'm stupid? Or just that I haven't been paying attention?
You may have already guessed, but I will not be sending you any money in the FedEx envelope you so desperately enclosed with your letter. Not $5,000, $1,000, $500, $250 nor $100. The only thing you will receive in that envelope is a copy of this letter with the tenses in this paragraph changed to reflect the fact that you have received the letter in the envelope.
By the way, I've already filled out my ballot and you did not receive my vote.