Sometimes your life spins completely out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You just have to go along for the ride.
On a particularly busy Thursday - December 11th to be exact - I returned to my desk from a series of meetings to find that I had two voice mails. One on my cell phone and one on my work phone. They were both from my wife. I could only assume that there was some kind of major emergency. I decided to listen to both of the voice mail messages before calling her back. The first was brief: "Give me a call when you get this." The second was a bit longer and described her situation. She was currently at a dog shelter near her office and she was walking an "adorable" wiener dog that she was sure would be adopted soon. She had fallen in love and didn't want to lose her. What should she do?
I took a deep breath and dialed the phone.
"Don't worry, I don't have a dog with me."
"Oh thank God."
"I did adopt it, though."
"I adopted it. It was only $60."
"But you don't have the dog with you?"
"No, they said I could leave it there until Saturday so you can meet it."
"Then we can take it home."
"Is that so?"
"I mean, if you like her. I think you'll like her."
"I don't really like dogs."
"I know, but you'll like this one."
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"If you don't like her, we can leave her there and get our money back."
"You mean, 'If you don't like her you can break my heart and start our marriage on a downward spiral from which it will probably never recover."
"No. Well, yes."
On Saturday we went to the shelter so that I could meet the dog. I mean, we went to the shelter so that we could bring the dog home. I knew that the only way we were leaving that shelter without a dog was if it tried to attack me. Unfortunately, my bacon suit was at the cleaners.
As I drove home Dee held Ruthie (yes, that's her name) on her lap in the passenger seat. We made a stop at Petsmart to pick up the essential dog items and everyone laughed and cooed over Ruthie. It helped that she was wearing a little coat that made her look like a ladybug. It also helped that she's pretty cute. See?
Eventually, we got her home. We gave her a tour of the place and introduced her to all of her new toys. She wasn't really interested. All she wanted was to curl up in our laps. Dee happily obliged. I was less willing but eventually came around.
Thankfully, Ruthie - who is about four years old - was already trained so the accidents have been kept to a minimum. Unfortunately, she has severe separation anxiety and is constantly looking for attention. Plus, she completely freaks out when we leave.
I have a dog now. I used to be able to sleep through an entire night. I used to be able to go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted. I never had to take a random trip to the vet because the dog freaked out and drew blood by banging on the door to its crate. In short, I was happy and free. Now I'm miserable and tied down.
That's the ride I'm on now. At least I still have my marriage.