1) Turn on every single alert your bank account offers.
2) Take this opportunity to hang all the pictures that she wouldn’t let you hang before and when she sees them just say, “Don’t you remember talking about it when you called? No? You did sound pretty drunk.”
3) Put on a suit, head down to the riverboat casinos and try to get “comped.”
4) Walk the dog. A lot.
5) Pretend that those people on Facebook are actually your friends.
6) Remember that while your wife is in Vegas, whatever happens in your condo stays in your condo.
7) Delete all episodes of The Bachelorette from the TiVo.
9) Invite friends over, meet them at the door, check their ID and tell them they’re not properly dressed for this club and send them home.
10) Treat yourself with the Champagne of Beers® and Strawberry Fruit Snacks. It’s the next best thing to Champagne and strawberries.