Tuesday, September 15, 2009

What To Do While You Are Being Attacked by a Bear

1) Run, run, run and then run some more.
2) Offer him a granola bar — preferably one with honey.
3) Do your best bear cub impression and hope he accepts you as his son.
4) Kick him in the nuts.
5) Hug him tightly and gently kiss his neck in the hopes that his anger turns to love.
6) Freak out and hope that he thinks he’ll catch crazy if he eats you.
7) Why in the hell did you put yourself in a situation where you could get attacked by a bear?  Seriously.  You deserve to die.
8) Take off your Aaron Rodgers jersey.
9) Play him some soothing music from your iPod and then rub his shoulders, he’s probably just stressed.
10) Die.

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