…if Michael Jackson was still alive we wouldn’t be subjected to seeing his crazy family on TV all the time.
…let’s stop pretending that the majority of America is a bunch of heathens that are destroying the moral fabric of our society. The majority of Americans are Christians. If there’s anyone to blame for destroying the moral fabric of our society it’s you.
…the best actor on TV is that lady in the AT&T commercials that is constantly hounding her kids about wasting their minutes.
…there’s a fine line between running for your life and running for your health.
…if you’re going to show up to the movie one minute before it starts, don’t expect me to move over so that you can have two seats together. I got here early so that I could choose my seats. I will not sacrifice those seats because you’re late.