It’s no secret that Halloween is not my favorite holiday. It never has been. I’ve never liked thinking up a costume and spending the ridiculous amounts of time it takes to put the costume together. For what? A few hours before the costume falls apart and maybe, if you’re lucky, some chuckles and nods. No thanks. It’s always a let down. Plus, I’ve never really had a sweet tooth.
Most people assume I don't like Halloween for more the more popular reason of “it’s just an excuse for people to dress slutty.” I don’t actually hate Halloween for that reason because it’s not really true anymore. If you take a look around Wrigleyville on any given weekend night, you see plenty of people dressed slutty. Plus, when do straight people ever get together and get sexy all at once? Halloween. It’s the gay pride parade for straight people. In a society that’s wound way too tight, a little sexyness is needed.
I spent most of Halloween night watching the Notre Dame game. Thank God for late starts, huh? Eventually, the game ended and I ran out of excuses for avoiding Halloween parties. I dressed as “warm and comfortable” and met my wife at a bar. I was one of the few people not wearing a costume, but I didn’t feel out of place. I was comfortable with my decision about not wearing a costume. However, I made a few observations about the crowd while I was out:
If you’re costume requires a sign explaining your costume, you have a crappy costume.
If you’re costume is a sexy dress that you just added fake wings to, you have a crappy costume.
The most important feature of a truly brilliant costume is an easy way to use the bathroom.
If your costume involves a modifier — as in “Zombie Tom Brady” — you’re trying too hard.
If you wear a rainbow wig and street clothes, you’re a genius.