Monday, December 21, 2009

A Letter To Santa

We all know that Santa Claus gets lots of letters from kids during the holiday season, but have you ever wondered what kind of letters Santa receives during the rest of the year?  I have.  In fact, I’ve managed to get my hands on a letter that Santa received this past July.

July 14, 2009

Dear Mr. Claus,
I appreciate our unique living conditions here at the North Pole and I know that we’re all trying our best.  However, I’m at the end of my rope.  I don’t want to solidify my reputation as a grumpy neighbor, but not even you, Mr. Claus, are without fault.  We both know we can’t really landscape the frozen tundra, but I’ve tried my best to make my own yard unique and interesting.  I respect the fact that you leave up your Christmas lights year-round even though they cast a terrible glare on my TV if I leave my windows open.  I simply close my windows.  That’s me being a good neighbor.  I would hope that you could be a good neighbor, too.  And yet, I consistently go out into my yard to see my series of decorative sun dials tipped over into a sea of reindeer hoof prints.  Yes, I know sun dials don’t make any sense on the North Pole, but you’ve got to have a sense of humor when you’re faced with months of darkness, as you well know.  We all have our quirks.  Unfortunately, mine doesn’t garner the same good will as flying around the world delivering toys to children which is why writing this is so hard for me.

All I ask is that you reign in your reindeer.  I would hate to have to erect a fence between our properties, not simply because it’s nearly impossible to drive a steak in the tundra, but because it would ruin the neighborly feel of our little burg.  Unfortunately, I will be forced to do just that if you can’t keep your reindeer from destroying my sun dials.  I know they must run and practice their flying (and don’t think I don’t realize that they can leap/fly over any fence ever created) but do they need to do it in my yard?  You have no neighbor to your south (the other south).  Let them practice there.
I’ve tried to be patient, but I don’t know what else to do.

Your neighbor,
Sven Klaumper

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