Friday, April 23, 2010

My 2010 NFL Draft Report Card

As you know, last night was the first round of the NFL Draft.  Since I’m well known as a Super-Duper Draft Expert (seriously, it's on my business card) I thought I'd share with you my grades for the first round of this year's draft.

I give you my report card for the first round of the 2010 NFL Draft.

  • To the NFL for encouraging a bunch of egotistical spoiled brats by giving them millions of dollars and a sense of entitlement.
  • To Tim Tebow for bringing a little God to the draft.  We don’t hear enough about God in America right now.

  • To Roger Goodell for correctly pronouncing Ndamukong Suh — this years #2 draft pick.
  • To Ndamukong Suh for having a name that means “House of Spears.”

Meaty, meaty man love.
  • To the official NFL Draft hat.  It’s the first hat in several years that doesn’t make the players look like clowns.
  • To Roger Goodell and Derrick Morgan for sharing their love with the world.

  • To the NFL for handing out jerseys with the number 1 on them to every player even though we all know they’ll never wear that number.
  • To the term “character issues” because it means nothing if the guy is a superstar.

  • To the ridiculous number of pinstriped suits.  You’re football players, not mob bosses.
  • To Ndamukong Suh’s parents for not making it more clear that their son is a house of spears.

  • To Chris Berman for not sweating more.
  • To the NFL for scheduling this on a Thursday night during two new hilarious episodes of 30 Rock requiring me to do actual research since I didn’t watch a second of the draft.

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