Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Bachelor Pad Episode #4 - A Review



We are once again treated to the entire group arguing in the living room that is only used for post-Rose Ceremony arguing.  On a show where everything is staged, even this is too much.  There’s absolutely no reason for everyone to voluntarily congregate in one room.  David is pissed that Wes put him in a position to make the decision to send Gia home.  Natalie displays her feeble grasp of life in general by beginning a sentence with, “I think we can all agree…”  Wes cuts her off by saying, “Can we stop bending over and blowing smoke up each other’s asses?”  You know, like a big human smoke-blowing Ouroboros.  

The doorbell rings during the fight because even the producers know this little pow-wow is stupid.  Each of the Padistanis are delivered surveys and told to keep their answers confidential.  And so begins the first portion of our competition…

The Competition — Telling the Truth (Kinda)
Secretly Evil
Chris Harrison claims that this contest is all about telling the truth, but it’s more about who’s willing to be the biggest dick.  The producers have tabulated the results of the surveys.  Some really skinny girl with enormous teeth reads the questions, and everyone must write down on a notecard who they think the majority of the Padistanis chose as the answer to the question.  The first guy and girl to answer four questions correctly wins a rose.

First Question: Who do most of you believe is going to win?
Boring.  The majority answered Kiptyn and most people got a point on this one.  My question: Why wasn’t this a thirteen way tie between all of them?  Shouldn’t they all have voted for themselves?

My answer: Mindsilt readers.

Second Question: Who is your biggest enemy?
Still kinda boring.  All the guys guess Wes because they are too dumb to realize that there are more girls than guys.  The majority answer is Krisily.  A bunch of girls get a point.

My answer: Whoever has kidnapped Helicopter.

Third Question: Who is the most shallow?
Okay, now it’s getting interesting.  Except that this is like asking male figure skaters who is the most gay.  The guys choose Krisily but the girls choose Elizabeth and they all earn a point.  I’d say Elizabeth looked shocked but she’s too shallow to register emotion.

My answer: Toothy Skinny Girl reading the questions. (Who the hell is she and why is she here?)

Fourth Question: Who is the dumbest?
Now we’re in the heart of downtown Meanieopolis.  Everyone but Tenley chooses Natalie.  Even Natalie wrote down her own name like she was proud of it (both writing her name and for being voted dumbest).  The majority chose Gwen and because Tenley also chose Gwen, she earns her fourth point and the rose.  Kiptyn immediately goes into mail-it-in mode.

My answer: Me, for watching this show.

Now only the guys still have to answer.  Kovacs and Wes are tied with two points, Jesse B has one and David and Kiptyn have zero.

Fifth Question: Who do you secretly have a crush on?
Is this fourth grade?  What kind of question is this?  They should have gone for ugliest.  Everyone guesses David and David is the correct answer.  Even David guessed David—because he has a crush on himself.  Wes voted for a girl because he’s bad at math.

My answer: Helicopter.  It’s not much of a secret, though.

Sixth Question: Who will be a bridesmaid but never a bride?
Everyone but Kovacs votes for Natalie because she’s a big, slutty flirt.  Even her secret man David votes for her.  Now she’s hurt.  She’s proud to be dumb but not proud to be slutty?  C’mon, she bragged in the first episode that she’s willing to make out with anyone.

My answer: The Weatherman.

Jesse B, Kovacs and Wes are tied with 3 points.

Seventh Question: Who is considered to be the biggest jerk by the group?
Everyone guesses Wes—except for Wes.  How could he not know?  He has absolutely zero self-awareness.  Wes is out and Jesse B and Kovacs are tied with 4 points each.

My answer: Wes.  Clearly Wes.

Eighth Question: Who has the worst boob job?
Kovacs is torn because he knows that everyone answered Elizabeth but he can’t answer Elizabeth because she’ll knife him.  He goes with Krisily.  Has she even had a boob job?  Jesse B guesses Elizabeth and wins the rose.

My answer: David.

The Fallout
Natalie runs to the shower to hide and cry.  She is consoled by Gwen in what has to be the least sexy shower scene ever.  David can’t console her because they are hiding their relationship.  I can only assume he went somewhere to lift weights.

Elizabeth closes herself in a closet.  This is what the show makes you do.  Hide in weird places to cry.  Kovacs consoles her by telling her she’s not shallow.  How does he know she’s not upset about the bad boob job?  I’m pretty sure it’s more about the boob job.  He decides that he need to tell her about how he feels.  Doesn’t he know how crazy girls work?  As soon as you tell them you like them, they are done with you.  Can I change my “dumbest” vote?

The First Date — Tenley, Kiptyn
Kiptyn pretends to be surprised that Tenley picks him.  Tenley is freakishly excited about the date.  She says, “This is a one-on-one date.  I’m not sharing it with any other guys.”  So that’s what “one-on-one” means.

Helicopter!  Oh, Helicopter!  You’re back to whisk Tenley and Kiptyn off to an island date!  To Catalina!  They must be going to the fuckin’ Catalina Wine Mixer.  I’ve missed you, Helicopter!  Don’t ever leave me again.

Tenley and Kiptyn kiss.  After the kiss Tenley says, “You made my heart beat fast.”  She speaks like she’s reading from a third grade reading book.

They have a late night dinner on the beach.  Kiptyn and Tenley decide they want to be together.  She’s nervous about giving him the rose because she hasn’t “been with a man since Jake broke my heart.”  Does that mean she’s been with women?  Is there video?  They choose to go to the Fantasy Suite to “take their relationship to the next level.”  In Tenley speak that means sexual intercourse.

The Second Date — Jesse B, Peyton
Jesse and Peyton head to the airport.  Are we going to get a double dose of Helicopter?  No, but we do get Biplane!  Almost as good as Helicopter.  

Jesse B decides it’s time to  kick it in to full douchebag mode.  

Jesse gives Peyton the rose as soon as they sit down for dinner.  He then proceeds to speak in only one syllable words for the rest of the night.  When they cut to Peyton’s interview she talks about how gorgeous he is and then kinda trails off when she has to list other good things about him.  Jesse’s idea of a compliment is, “Your eyes are awesome.”  So romantic.  Then Jesse gets weird.  He puts his finger up her nose.  Her NOSE.  He should know better than to try to finger-bang her nose on the second date.  That’s more like five date territory.  

Peyton turns down the Fantasy Suite with the hottest guy on the show.  That’s how bad he was.


Post-Date Scheming
Gwen and Krisily are on the “chopping block.”  People say “chopping block” way too much on this show.  Krisily works on Ashley and Peyton to send Kovacs home.  Kovacs and Wes work on their crews to keep themselves in the game.  Wes keeps talking about how “it makes the most strategic sense” to keep him in the game.  It makes the most strategic sense for him to keep him in the game, but it doesn’t make the most sense for anyone else.  Can I change my “dumbest” vote again?  

Krisily corners David and gets him to agree to keep her safe.  However, Kiptyn isn’t convinced that Gwen is the right vote.  He convinces David and Kovacs to vote for Krisily.  

Side note: I’m shocked that Kovacs ever gets his tie tied.  He was butchering that knot.  

The Rose Ceremony
The four people pegged for elimination are Gwen, Krisily, Wes and Kovacs.  Why haven’t the girls ever brought up David?  He’s running this show right now.  I’m changing my “dumbest” vote.  

Krisily and Wes go home.  Krisily gives a little speech about how she was betrayed by David.  David said that he, “felt sorry for her because she embarrassed herself and showed her true colors.”  Not because he screwed her by lying to her face.

My roses go to…
  • Ashley — for not appearing in this episode.
  • Chris Harrison — for implicitly condoning this week’s competition by participating in it and yet pretending to be a great guy.
  • Dancing With the Stars — for putting together the least interesting cast ever.  Who the hell is Kyle Massey?
  • Peyton — for playing out of her league and walking away.
  • Tenley — for oozing desperation.

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Friday Roundup

It’s Friday Roundup time!  It’s been a crazy week so this will be a shorter version.  I promise to be back next week with a full-on Roundup.

This Week in Mindsilt
Monday:
I wrote about football as the reason why I can’t sleep at night.

Wednesday:
I was a day late posting my review of another episode of The Bachelor Pad.

Thursday:
I wrote about my hectic travels to New York and generally made no sense.

Tweet of the Week
From Whitney Cummings
“Baseball players always spit everywhere. If you’re getting that kind of money the least you could do is swallow.”
See it here.

From the Mindsilt Archive
The first ever “Pros and Cons” post.

Video of the Week
It’s been making the rounds, but it’s still great.  Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You.”  NSFW, dumbass.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

And Then I Woke Up in Some Hotel in New York City...

The title sounds much worse than it actually was.  I had an exciting day of travel yesterday as I tried to get from Chicago to New York.

I got to the airport to find that my 2:05 PM flight had been cancelled.  I was lucky enough to book a seat on the 1:00 PM flight, but I would have to hustle.  I made it to the gate in time to find out that my new flight was going to be delayed 15 minutes.  I went to get some food.  When I returned, I discovered that my flight had been delayed to 2:10 PM.  Right back to where I started.  It was a strangely satisfying resolution to a hectic few minutes.

Then we sat on the runway in the "penalty box" for an hour.  Thankfully, the tiny baby in the seat across the aisle didn't make a peep.  Or a poop.  Or a sound.  Except to burp.  Tiny little babies have surprisingly powerful burps.

Then I landed in New York.

LaGuardia Airport smells like cinnamon and body odor, but it's strangely efficient.  I was out of there in about 20 minutes.  I found my way to Manhattan and met up with a friend for some Thai food in Union Square.  That's what cool NYC people do.  Thai food in Union Square on a Wednesday.  Cool NYC people also talk about plastic Santa Claus ornaments that live in trees, but that's a story for another time.

The point is that I'm in New York.  I think.  I don't really have a point.  That's the beauty of having your own blog.  You don't have to have a point.

Peanut butter.  Ruler.  Ennui.

See?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Bachelor Pad Episode #3 - A Review

I just realized that writing these reviews will force me to miss Monday Night Football.  Good thing the fine folks at Schadenfreude.net are paying me the big bucks.

We open with the fallout from last week’s Rose Ceremony.  In case anyone in the room had been wondering, Gia decided to tell everyone that she was the one who tried to get Kiptyn voted out and she openly blamed Nikki for screwing it up.  She should have spent that time painting a target on her back, it would have been more efficient.  Of course, Gia conveniently forgot that she originally screwed the whole thing up by not giving a rose to Craig.  Not that you care, you’re too busy watching Cee-Lo’s new video.

The Unkissable Weatherman
The Competition — Kissing
In the kissing competition, the women were blindfolded and each guy kissed them.  Afterwards, the girl voted on which guy was the best kisser.  The guys were given numbers so that there was no cheating.  They flipped the scenario for the guys.  This way everyone gets to make out twice.  That’s a lot of spit swapping.  The guy and girl with the most votes wins the rose and the title of Best Kisser.  I would totally win this game.  I’m a great kisser.  Ask my wife.  Or better yet, make out with me the next time you see me.

Gia gets all freaked out about the game because she knows there’s now a target on her back and she has a boyfriend she’s crazy.  Once she sees how all the girls are going to town on the guys she breaks down in tears and calls everyone “porn stars.”  It’s clear she doesn’t watch porn.  Porn stars almost never kiss, I’m told.

After Elizabeth is kissed by the Weatherman she says, “I just realized how gross this is.”  Even though she was blindfolded, she knew it was him.  They should have given him a box to stand on or something.  When it’s her turn to kiss a blindfolded Weatherman, she practically eats his face and then spits into the pool in disgust.  Does Tina Fey write the script for her character?  She is the perfect Mean Girl.

Ashley takes herself out of the competition because she is a high school teacher who is worried about losing the respect of her students for kissing all of the guys.  And yet she has no problems being on the show in the first place.

Natalie thinks she’s got this one locked up because she’s got no problems making out with anyone.  She joins Elizabeth and Tenley who are clearly trying way too hard.  There’s a fine line between a passionate kiss and Hannibal Lecter.

David and Peyton win the roses.  The face munching trio looks shocked.

The First Date — David, Nikki, Krisily, Natalie
David chose three girls to go to Vegas with him.  By the way, does anyone remember when it used to be Las Vegas?  Natalie immediately declared that she is “ready to get crazy” and that she “will do anything to win.”  As they made their way to the airport I got excited that we might get a glimpse of Helicopter only to be let down when they all piled in to a private jet.

They are led to a private, topless pool which they have all to themselves.  Natalie can’t wait to get naked and Nikki actually puts on another shirt.  Krisily is now infatuated with David thanks to his kiss and she spends the whole time acting like a teenager with her first crush.  By the time Natalie whips off her top it’s clear that the other two girls have been completely forgotten.  Who would have guessed that women can use their boobs to get what they want?

At night, they all go to a huge villa but David only gets to keep one of the girls for dinner.  They all act shocked even though the exact same thing happened on the dates last week.  He picks Natalie.  On the ride home, Krisily whines about missed opportunities and Nikki wonders aloud if they should have gone topless.  I think we all know that answer.

During dinner, David gets a “Fantasy Suite” card.  They waste no time deciding that they are going to stay together in the suite and eff like rabbits.  I guess Natalie is over Jesse B.  David and Natalie decide that they are not going to tell anyone that they are a couple.  In fact, they are going to actively deceive the rest of the house by telling a lame story about how they both fell asleep.

The Second Date — Peyton, Kovacs, Kiptyn, Jesse B
Peyton decides that she needs to rethink her strategy.  She picks the guys who are on the inside and decides to try to win them over on their date to the drag strip.  By “drag strip” I actually mean a real drag strip, not something dirty like you were originally thinking.  Going to a drag strip sounds about as romantic as it actually is.  They spend most of their time in completely separate cars.

Jesse B is girl crazy.  He’s like a kid in a candy store.  He’s interested in any girl that shows interest in him.  It’s clear that he’s going to get the rose even though they spend most of the date showing us clips of Elizabeth and Tenley nervously worrying about their guys (Kovacs and Kiptyn, respectively) being seduced by Peyton.  Much to the producers’ chagrin, Peyton doesn’t even make much of an effort to seduce Kovacs and Kiptyn, but the whole thing makes the two guys realize that having a girlfriend is not a good position to be in.  I’m not sure how people tell Kovacs and Kiptyn apart.  When they are standing side by side I can’t tell you who is who.

Jesse B gets the rose and gets to enjoy the Fantasy Suite in The Bachelor Pad with Peyton.  It doesn’t get much more awkward than watching two people try to decide on the Fantasy Suite while two other dudes—who look exactly alike—stand there staring at you.

Post-Date Scheming
Kovacs finally realizes that Elizabeth is going to screw him.  He knows that he can’t trust her and she tells him that she can’t be trusted.  He’s slowly figuring out what we’ve known all along.  She’s crazy.
Gia and Wes are smitten with one another.  Wes breaks out the guitar.  Gia melts and says, “I never heard a song that I related to.”  Have you ever heard a song before?  She then calls Wes “the modern day Shakespeare except better and cuter.”  She’s definitely going to break up with her boyfriend after this.  Is there any man that would stay with her after seeing this?  She might as well just hook up with Wes and close the case.

Thanks to his new crush, Wes is working on everyone in order to save Gia.  Gia tries to convince Kiptyn to help save her by lying to him about trying to get him voted off.  When he says that she “rounded up the girls” she pretends to be hurt an offended that she has been accused of such a thing.  You know, that thing she admitted to right after last week’s Rose Ceremony.  She making a run at Elizabeth’s Crazy Queen title.

The Rose Ceremony
The girls waste no time sending the Weatherman home.  It’s been clear from the beginning that he’s not cool enough for the cool kids.  Due to Wes’s scheming, there is a tie between Gia and Elizabeth.  Since David won the rose, he gets to break the tie.  He chooses to save Elizabeth and she gets to retain her Crazy Queen crown.  Of course, Wes now has a target on his back.

My roses go to…

  • Gwen — for not appearing in this episode.
  • Jesse B — for being just dumb enough to stick around.
  • Ashley — for only appearing in the episode long enough to say that she can’t participate in the kissing game.
  • Tenley — for holding off those tears when Kiptyn won’t snuggle with her.  Barely.
  • The Producers — for making the black box covering Natalie’s boobs way more jiggly than her actual boobs.


Monday, August 23, 2010

Why I Can't Sleep at Night

I’m distracted.  I can’t focus.  When my wife tells me about what we’re going to do this weekend, I just nod and pretend I’ve heard.  It gets me in trouble.  I get in trouble a lot this time of year.  It’s not my fault.  Notre Dame’s first football game is only 12 days away.  The Colts play for the first time in twenty days.  I’m like a kid at Christmas—if Christmas night lasted for two weeks.  Football season is my favorite time of year and I can’t wait for it to get here.

I know you want to know why I’m so excited, so I’ll give you 10 reasons why I’m looking forward to this football season.

1) There’s nothing more hopelessly optimistic as a football fan during the pre-season.  Your teams are undefeated and still have a legitimate shot at winning it all.  That’s me right now.

2) Bob Sanders is back.  The Colts’ star safety is healthy and back on the field to deliver the vicious hits that we’ve all been missing.  You may not know it, but that’s what you’ve been missing.

3) I’ll be playing fantasy football for the first time ever.  I’m pretty sure it’s going to be just like that TV show.

4) Brian Kelly.  Notre Dame’s new coach.  After three years of bad to mediocre football under Charlie Weis, I’m ready for something different.  I’ve heard nothing but good things about Brian Kelly and the way he’s been preparing the team.

5) It’s so freaking hot right now.  Once football season starts, things start to cool off and I’ll start to sweat less.

6) October 9th.  Dee and I will be going to Notre Dame to see them play Pitt and we’ll be tailgating with some of my college buddies.

7) The three weeks starting November 21st.  The Colts play the Patriots, Chargers and Cowboys back to back to back.  A brutal stretch, but it will be fun to watch.

8) The fact that there are no weddings that will interfere with my ability to watch the Notre Dame games.

9) Beer.  Football is a great excuse to have beer in the house.

10) It’s football!  Do I really need to explain why I’m excited?  It’s the greatest sport on Earth.

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Friday Roundup

This Friday Roundup thing is becoming a habit.  A dirty, dirty, bad habit.  Get ready from some random Interwebs fun.

Check This Out
My wife has some pretty awesome friends and those pretty awesome friends of hers have pretty awesome spouses.  One of those pretty awesome spouses it named Brian and he writes a blog about his fitness goals.  This isn’t just some random dude writing about his workouts.  This is a funny, insightful and honest guy writing about what it’s like to do what he does.  You feel for him, you laugh with him (and at him sometimes) and—most importantly—you root for him.

Plus, he lobbied to be The Roundup.

Check out Brian and his blog, Racing Home.  He’s posting twice a week right now, but after the huge traffic spike he gets from this post, I’m sure he’ll start posting more often.

This Week in Mindsilt
Monday:
I wrote about the end of an era.  The end of the Space Robbers era in Chicago comedy.

Tuesday:
I reviewed the second episode of The Bachelor Pad.

Thursday:
I told you a little bit about my favorite twisted movies.

Tweet of the Week
From Josh Malina
She’s fleeing in shame, not hunting moose, dear. RT @SarahPalinUSA Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload!
See it here.

Blog Post of the Week
A really clever post that shows some of the businesses that are same distance from Ground Zero as the proposed mosque.  Check it out.

From the Mindsilt Archive
A dialogue between two dudes talking about nipples and women’s underwear.

Video of the Week
A Rockin’ Robin/Smells Like Teen Spirit mashup.  This should be terrible, but it’s fantastic.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

My Favorite Twisted Movies



Yesterday I saw the above trailer for the new Darren Aronofsky movie, Black Swan.  If you don’t know who Darren Aronofsky is, you either don’t pay attention to things like who directs awesome movies or you are missing out on some sweet ass movies.  Aronofsky directed and wrote Pi, Requiem for a Dream and The Wrestler.  You may not be familiar with the first two, but I’m sure you’ve at least heard of The Wrestler thanks to the kudos Mickey Rourke got from the movie.  Anyway, Aronofsky is awesome.

Why do I mention this?  Because this trailer got me thinking about some movies I haven’t thought about in a long time.  Some great movies that I thought I would share with you.

Pi — As I wrote above, another Aronofsky movie.  A psychological thriller about a man obsessed with numbers and the patterns that occur in everything.  He begins obsessing over the numbers his self-built computer spits out.  Things get crazy and intense and you’ll wonder if you’re not going crazy yourself.  It’s brilliantly shot in black and white and it keeps you thinking and guessing throughout.  What really makes this movie stand out to me is that it makes you aware of the delicateness of your sanity.  We’re all just one consuming thought away from completely losing our shit.

Memento — This is a movie that most of you have already seen.  No matter.  It’s still great and you can all nod your head while you read along.  What makes this great?  The same thing that makes Pi great.  The fact that it makes you feel what the main character is feeling.  The main character, Leonard Shelby, has anterograde amnesia which means he can’t create any new memories.  The film is structured so that you don’t have any more information than the main character and you feel like you have no short term memory, either.  You’ll feel like your brain is broken after watching it.  Don’t worry, it’s not actually broken.  Unless it is.

The Big Lebowski — Am I wrong?  You’re not wrong, Jeff.  You’re just an asshole.  Yeah, you’ve seen this.  It’s hilarious and great.  Watch it again.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind — You’ve probably figured out that I like movies that mess with your head—or are about messing with someone’s head.  This is another example of that.  Jim Carrey’s character undergoes a procedure to have memories of his ex-girlfriend erased from his mind and we’re taken along on the ride through his memories.  It’s a sweet and dark movie about why even the bad memories are good.

Requiem for a Dream — Okay, this one might not be for everyone.  Like any other Aronofsky film, it’s very, very dark.  Some scenes are very hard to watch, but I think it’s worth it.  It deals with the different types of addiction and how it can ruin your life.  If you thought Trainspotting was disturbing, you ain’t seen nothing yet.  Ellen Burstyn is fantastic as the mother addicted to TV and diet pills.  It’s not easy to watch, but who says movies should be easy to watch?

You should watch all of these movies, but probably not back to back.  Otherwise you won’t ever want to interact with humans ever again.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Bachelor Pad Episode #2 - A Review

This week the Padistanis are in the exact same place they will always be — the Bachelor Pad.  We open with the fallout from the previous week’s Rose Ceremony.  Crazy Elizabeth tells Kovacs (guy Jesse) that she will do damage control on her end.  She has convinced him that being in a couple is a better strategy than being alone.  I think Jesse B may have said something about strategy but Natalie’s tongue was in the way.

The Challenge — Pie Eating Contest
Guess who?
This episode’s challenge is a pie eating contest.  Two roses are up for grabs.  One for the guys, one for the girls.  The twist is that they can’t use their hands.  To eat the pies, not grab the roses.

The ladies are up first.  Krisily bows out of the competition because she left her gallbladder at home.  I guess she needed more room for shoes.  The girls prepare for the contest by taking their shirts off and we are bombarded with a faceless boob parade.  Thanks, camera guys.  The girls dig in and are immediately revolted.  Delicate, delicate Tenley even started crying or maybe she’s always crying, I can’t tell.  About half way through buckets were brought out as nearly every single one of the girls puked.  It reminded me of the night I proposed to my wife and she got food poisoning.  True story.  Needless to say, I was turned on.  Tenley even puked into her pie and kept eating, but it wasn’t enough to keep Gia, the swimsuit model, from winning.

As the guys geared up for the contest, Weatherman looked worried.  I thought he was going to pull a Tenley and start crying.  When I saw his face, I immediately recognized him as the kid that was always picked last for kickball but also couldn’t make up for it with his brains.  The guys dove in, took about three bites and almost immediately gave up.  Craig even resorted to soaking up the pie with his hair.  Of course, the Weatherman won by washing the pie away with his tears.

Post-Challenge Scheming
Once the roses had been won, the scheming began.  Gia and the Weatherman discussed the situation in the house and introduced us to the “Insiders” and “Outsiders.”  The Outsiders include: Gia, Weatherman, Craig, Nikki, Krisily, Peyton and probably some others.  The Insiders include: Dave, Kyptin, Tenley, Elizabeth, Jesse B, Kovacs, Ashley and seemingly the rest of the house.  Anyway, Gia and the Weatherman decide they need to use their dates to turn people to their side and save people with their roses.  If they pull it off, they will have all the power in the house.  Easy as pie.  Puked on pie.

The First Date — Weatherman, Gwen, Peyton, Ashley
Weatherman chooses the three girls who haven’t hooked up with anyone in the house.  Suddenly everyone realizes that he’s not as dumb as he looks.  The tiny little wheels in everyone’s heads start spinning…

The Weatherman and his ladies are shipped off to an art studio to paint—with their bodies.  Weatherman emerges in a Speedo and all the girls immediately begin talking about how funny he is.  I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.  Everyone gets messy and the girls talk about how Weatherman is such a good sport.  No sparks at all.  The Weatherman is the little brother, but he knows it.  Instead of trying to romance the girls, he tries to convince Peyton and Ashley to join his side.  However, he takes Gwen up to the roof because he’s not interested in “talking strategy” with her.  He feels a connection with her.  Unfortunately, Gwen doesn’t feel the same way, but she doesn’t tell him.  She gets the rose.  I’ll say it right now: Gwen is a sneaky good player.  She’s going to boring her way through this show.

The Second Date — Gia, Wes, Craig, Jesse B
Gia decides to play the puppet master and choose her dates so that she can secure her place in the house.  There’s absolutely no way this will backfire.  There’s no way the rest of the house will ever pick up on this.  Give her the money right now.

They don’t even try to pretend that the date is anything more than a chance for them to scheme as they are taken to a tent in a park.  I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll ever see Helicopter ever again.  I miss you Helicopter.

Gia immediately grabs Craig and tells him that she is going to give him the rose.  She fills him in on the plan and he is on board 100%.  I’m telling you, give her the money.  She’s got this locked down.  Jesse then falls all over himself to do whatever Gia asks him to do.  He tells her that it will be no problem at all when it comes time to send Natalie home and he admits to Gia that he’s got a huge crush on her.  Just call it off.  Locked down.  Seriously.

Then Gia meets with Wes.  Wes doesn’t even try to talk strategy.  He just drunkenly rambles about what a great girl she is and that under different circumstances he would be with her.  She says the same thing.  Uh oh.  Could she be losing her hold on the game?

She gives the rose to Wes and loses her hold on the money in the process.  She justifies it by saying, “I made the morally right choice.”  Do you think your boyfriend would think you made the morally right choice?  Maybe she doesn’t know what “morally” means.

Post-Date Scheming
Crazy Elizabeth immediately begins scheming and Kovacs finally decides that he’s going to use her crazy to his advantage by getting her to work for him.  Unfortunately, he’s forgotten that crazy can’t be contained.  This will backfire on him.

From out of nowhere, Jesse (the girl) decides to do some scheming of her own.  She works on David to try to keep herself in the game.  She does this the only way she knows how—by making out with him.  What she doesn’t know is that Krisily is creepily watching them make out.  Krisily then springs into action and tells Kovacs that Jesse (the girl) is playing them.  Still with me?  Hell, I’m not even with me.

Our prime suspect.
In other news, Jesse B decides that he needs to let Natalie know that it’s time to break up because he wants to hook up with Gia.  No doubt a brilliant move.  Gia then tries to make up for her rose mistake by convincing the girls to vote of Kyptin.  What?  Where is this coming from?  Anyway, this causes Kyptin to grab the ugly one and convince her to keep him on the show.  He pulls the I’m-not-going-to-try-to-convince-you-and-that’s-how-I’m-going-to-convince-you routine.  She agrees because someone is finally talking to her.

Suddenly they cut to Elizabeth scheming with two other girls who I’ve never seen on the show before.  When Elizabeth says things like, “If you deceive the trust of your own, you’re next,” you believe her because her crazy shines through.  “You’re next,” could mean that she’s going to kill you.  I won’t be happy until we see an attempted murder on this show.

The Rose Ceremony
Going in to the rose ceremony, the outsider girls are certain that they have succeeded in voting out Kyptin and they are all looking quite smug.  The guys have chosen to vote out either Krisily or Jesse S.  We don’t know which and we don’t really care.  In the end, Kyptin and Krisily are awarded the final roses which means Craig and Jesse S are sent home.  Now only six Jesses remain.

The girls are shocked.  They slowly begin to realize that they have a traitor in their midst.  I made it sound way more dramatic than it actually was.

My roses go to…

  • Gia — for berating the Weatherman for not sticking to the plan and then doing exactly what she berated him for.
  • Tenley — for eating her own puke.
  • Kovacs — for thinking he’s got Crazy Elizabeth under control.  MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • Gwen — for milking her role as the “safe” girl.
  • Jesse B — for dropping Natalie the very instant Gia showed even the slightest interest.

Monday, August 16, 2010

R.I.P. Space Robbers

Most of you know all about pH Productions, the improv theater company that I helped found, but not everyone knows that I used to perform other places as well.  In fact, from 2003 to 2007 I performed at The Playground with a team called the Space Robbers.  We were created in November of 2003 through the Incubator program at The Playground.  All that means is that we auditioned and they placed us all randomly onto a team.  Often times, these teams are short-lived and they never really find their groove.  Once in a while, something special happens and the team clicks and becomes great.  That’s what happened with Space Robbers.  We became one of the best teams at The Playground and had a blast doing it.

Saturday night, the Space Robbers performed their last show.  I went out to see the remaining members blow everyone away one last time.  I was excited to see what new things they were doing.  I got to the theater a little early and was able to catch up with the team before I took my seat.  Then a surprising thing happened.  Sean Kelley came into the theater and asked me if I wanted to play with the Robbers one last time.  I accepted.  They gave me a quick rundown of their form, we warmed up and then took the stage.  

I won’t say it was like riding a bicycle because it wasn’t.  I was excited but a bit unsure.  I hadn’t played with these guys in over three years.  I hoped that I would be able to jump in and contribute without screwing up their chemistry.  I think I managed that.  We did one long scene as characters from the Bronze Age and we even managed to work in a show within a show bit to tie it all up.

In all, I think it was a great show for the Robbers to finish their run at The Playground.  It had all the elements of a good Robbers’ show: smart historical references, goofy tales of adventure, a Rent-esque song about the Plague and the threat of us all dying in the end.  As I wrote on Twitter after the show: “Space was robbed.  Thoroughly robbed.”

Friday, August 13, 2010

The Friday Roundup

Bam.  Friday Roundup in your face.  Friday the 13th Roundup in your face.  While my blogging friends are rising from the dead (and they are slowly coming back to life), I’m going to focus on the tweet of the week.  I’ve been threatened.  On the Internet.  By a celebrity.  See for yourself:

From KingJames (LeBron James)
“Don’t think for one min that I haven’t been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!”
See it here.

See that?  He’s threatened me.  Simply because I took a shot at him in this post.  I wrote:
“If he goes to Miami, he has proven that he definitely does not deserve to fill Michael Jordan’s shoes.  He’s afraid.  He doesn’t have enough confidence in himself to believe that he could win a championship without two of the biggest stars in the league.”
Oh, snap.  Right?  I really took it to him.  Now I’m on his list.  Thankfully, it’s just a mental list so I’m sure he’ll forget about me soon.  Even if he did come after me he’d probably just throw a few good punches and then give up in the end and let me win.  You know, like he did against the Celtics.


This Week in Mindsilt
Monday:
A short post on the specialist moment of the year.

Tuesday:
I reviewed the premiere of The Bachelor Pad.


Video of the Week
As you may know, I’m a big Wilco fan.  This is a cover of one of Wilco’s sadder, trippier songs that takes it to a completely different place.  A fantastic take on a great song.




From the Mindsilt Archives
I tell the story of getting my first dog.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Bachelor Pad Premiere - A Review

Welcome to the Bachelor Pad, the show that may have just enough unintentional comedy that I won’t be able to make fun of it.

Here’s how it works.  They wrangled up nineteen singles from past seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.  Nineteen?  They couldn’t find one more fame whore to join the show?  In fact, there are eleven girls and eight guys.  They all live in the same house and they are forcing all of them to sleep in the same room in bunk beds.  It’s like summer camp for douchebags.

During each episode there is a contest of some sort.  The winner gets a rose and can choose three people for a date.  The winner also gets to give a rose to one of the three people on the date.  Everyone who ends up with a rose is safe from elimination.  Everyone else is fair game.  The twist is that the guys will be voting off the girls and the girls will be voting off the guys.  This concept has blown their tiny little minds.

What are they playing for?  $250,000.  Does that seem low to anyone else?

The Bachelor Pad is proving George Costanza’s theory that people will watch because it’s on TV.  Before they even explain what the show is about, they show us a bunch of clips from the upcoming episodes.  I assume that these are supposed to be interesting or shocking, but we have absolutely nothing to base our opinions on so they might as well be clips from Hell’s Kitchen.  They are reaffirming my theory that the producers of the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Pad franchise think we are stupid.

Introducing the Padders Paddites Padistanis  
Instead of the Padistanis pulling up in a limo to meet the Bachelor or Bachelorette, they all come out of their limo and are greeted by Chris Harrison.  I can only assume they do this because they need to get Chris some screen time.  Honestly, why do they even have a host for these shows?  A disembodied voice would work just as well.  Also, how do I get Chris Harrison’s job?

Some highlights from the contestants:

  • Tinley, from Jake’s season (I don’t know what that means), has a crush on Kiptyn (that’s actually how he spells his name).  She wants to “explore that.” 
  • Gwen is from season two and nobody has any idea who she is.  I think she’s in her late forties.  
  • The Weatherman is back and they don’t even bother to use his real name.  His graphic reads, “Weatherman.”  Thank you.
  • Nikki and Juan “dated” at some point.  Another contestant claimed that he slept with her just so he’d have a place to crash.  Classy.
  • Elizabeth and Jesse K seem to have some kind of relationship.  It seems very one-sided.  Elizabeth has crazy eyes for him.
  • Michelle is introduced as “the crazy one” and “all kinds of drama.”
  • Gia is the swimsuit model that all the guys will drool over.  She has a boyfriend.
  • Craig M is the guy who made the Weatherman cry on the last season of The Bachelorette.  I’m rooting for him simply because all of the women immediately decided that he would be the first guy they voted off.


The Challenge — Enormous Twister
If you’ve watched ABC at all in the past months, you’ve already seen most of this.  It’s an excuse to get attractive people in bathing suits into compromising positions.  They know they have to sell sex and they’re selling it hard.  At least I get to look at boobies.

In what can only be a shock to the dumbest people on earth, Craig M wins the challenge. The Weatherman reacts by saying, “When Craig M won, I basically knew there was no God.”  Isn’t he a scientist? (Does a meteorologist count as a scientist?)  He should know that God doesn’t exist because there is no empirical proof, not because of Craig.  Craig now has a rose and can choose three people for his date.  Elizabeth goes on a rant about how she doesn’t ever want to go on a date with Craig, she wouldn’t have any fun with Craig, and she knows she’s not going home so she doesn’t want the safe rose.  Of course, this means that she’s going to go on the date.  If this show had any sense of storytelling, that’s what would happen.

The Date — Craig, Jesse, Gwen, Elizabeth
After the first night in the house, a rumor is started that Michelle and Craig hooked up in the middle of the night.  Michelle denies it and you see a glint of crazy in her eyes.  This glint grows stronger when Craig chooses Jesse (the girl), Gwen and Elizabeth to go on the date.  They all accept and Michelle begins to plot her revenge.

Craig and the ladies are whisked away to the beach for their date.  Unfortunately, the helicopter is nowhere to be seen.  They just hop into a limo in their bathing suits.  Does anyone else get the feeling they are going to plan dates around things that are bathing suit appropriate?

The beach part of the date seems to simply be an excuse to see Elizabeth’s Prelude to Crazy.
After the beach, they head to the Greek Theater.  Craig is forced to pick one girl to give a rose before the date continues.  To the surprise of no one in the world besides Elizabeth, he chooses Jesse.  Elizabeth and Gwen have to go back to the house, but not before Elizabeth issues a threat to him in her solo interview.

Craig and Jesse are given a private concert by some guy who sounds like he was the rejected lead singer for Nickelback.  Both Craig and Jesse pretended they enjoyed it and danced around like idiots to the crappy song that sounds like just about every other song by any generic rock band.

Meanwhile, back at the house…
Jesse K decides he needs to talk to Elizabeth about being a couple.  He’s determined that being a couple is a bad strategy.  Being a couple isn’t a bad strategy, being involved with Elizabeth is a bad strategy.  In response, Elizabeth basically says, “Love me or I’ll get you sent home.”  She clearly subscribes to the Stockholm Syndrome school of dating.  Strangely, it seems to be working because Jesse K has no spine and isn’t smart enough to realize that he needs to get the rest of the guys to vote her off.  I think we can all agree that he deserves to go home as soon as possible.

Jesse B and Natalie are hooking up like they’ve been dating for months.  They are the only real couple in the house.  I’m pretty sure that being in a couple will be a good thing for the guys and a bad thing for the girls.  That’s assuming that these people are as dumb as I think they are.

Michelle thought that Tinley started the rumor about her and Craig hooking up, so she shut Michelle in the bathroom and berated her.  Tinley, the most delicate of delicate flowers, was reduced to tears and shouted, “I’m scared” through her sobs.  We’ve got a new crazy front-runner!  I’ll let you decide if it’s Tinley or Michelle.

Suddenly: random shot of boobies.

The Bachelor Pad Drinking Game
After one episode, I’ve already devised a drinking game that is sure to get you wasted.  This will be the only way I get through this show.

  • Every time someone says, “The boys are voting off the girls off and the girls are voting off the boys.”  Take one drink.  
  • Every time someone says, “It’s a competition.”  Take one drink.
  • Every time someone says, “If I get the rose, I’m safe.”  Take one drink.
  • Every time someone says, “I’m scared.”  Finish your drink.


The Rose Ceremony
Each person votes individually in a “deliberation room” Survivor-style.  They pull a photo of the person they want to vote for out of a frame and drop it into a box to cast their vote.  I’m taking bets on who will be the first to be smart enough check the number of photos left in their own frame to see how they are doing.  My money is on Krisily.

During the voting, Michelle is dumb enough to say, “I feel confident that I’m going to stay.”  That’s why she’s the crazy one.

Michelle and Juan are voted out, but the guys have figured out that Krisily is the smart one.  She can’t be far behind.  Plus, I don’t think she’s hot enough for anyone to want to keep her around.

My roses go to…

  • All of the guys — for ogling and drooling anytime Gia walks into the room.
  • Dave — for accentuating the crazy in his eyes with a creepy thin beard.
  • The Producers — for gratuitous cleavage and butt shots during Enormous Twister.
  • The Weatherman — for correctly being pegged as easy to manipulate.
  • Stephen — for staying as far away from this show as he possibly can.


Monday, August 09, 2010

Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

Don't look now but it's:

6:07 8/9/10

Clearly, this minute is specialer than all the rest.

Friday, August 06, 2010

The Friday Roundup

Guess what happens on Friday?  The Friday Roundup.  It’s here to give you all sorts of fun stuff to help your Friday pass more quickly.  If you want your blog or website to be featured here, send me a message on Twitter or Facebook.


This Week In Mindsilt
Monday:
I recapped my weekend at Cedar Point.

Tuesday:
I reviewed the finale of The Bachelorette. I won’t miss it.

Thursday:
I gave you some bits of wisdom from my life.


Tweet of the Week
From SeanMichalKell
I would watch a TV show that consisted entirely of William Shatner and Kanye West discussing the news of the day.

See it here.

I would most certainly watch that show.  Okay, Internets, let’s make this happen.


Blog Post of the Week
I don’t usually get political on this blog, but I found this article about the collective memory of Americans quite interesting.


Image of the Week

Because I'm feeling frisky, I'll even give you an awesome bonus image of the Periodic Table of Irrational Nonsense.


Video of the Week



From the Mindsilt Archives
In honor of the hot weather we’ve had recently, I thought I’d break out an old post full of hot weather jokes.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Bits of Wisdom

Cherish and remember every moment with your loved one.  Someday you’ll be able to use it against them.

Unless you’re talking to your spouse, stop saying the word “sexy” after you turn 35.  It’s just creepy, dude.

I don’t care how cool you think tigers are now; you will regret that tattoo in 20 years.

No one wants to hear about that rash you have.  Not even your doctor.

I don’t care how much you hate yourself right now; your dog still loves you.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

The Bachelorette Finale - A Review

Mindsilt.com Reader, we’ve come to the end.  Like any ending, it’s bittersweet.  We’ll finally get to see who Ali will break up with in a few months.  Plus, it will be our last chance to see our beloved helicopter.  I can only hope that helicopter will return for an appearance on The Bachelor Pad which I will be reviewing through the rest of the summer.
More like Boring Boring

Roberto, Chris and Ali are in Bora Bora with Ali’s family because they have to find some way to fill two hours with just two guys.  In case we had forgotten, they decided to hammer us with badly narrated background stories of the two guys.  Is there any other show that treats its audience like we are the dumbest people on the planet?  Do they think we can’t remember anything from one week to the next?  If I watched this show for any other reason than to make fun of it, I’d be insulted.

Roberto and Ali’s Family
Roberto opens this segment by saying, “I just hope they like me.”  No kidding?  You think it might be important that her family likes you?

Why does Roberto always go first?  He’s boring, that’s why.  Ali’s brother and sister took Roberto outside to “ask him some questions” while Ali talked about Roberto with her parents.  It was clear that Ali’s mother had a crush on Roberto because she told him that he doesn’t need to do anything else to make Ali happy because he already is making Ali happy.  Then she butchered the Spanish language but Roberto was smart enough to not correct her.  Good move, boring guy.

It was then time for the serious business with dad.  Both men stripped naked, covered themselves in oil and sat down to a furious game of chess.  Hey, they have two hours to fill.  Eventually, Ali’s dad resigned and Roberto earned the right to propose to Ali should she deem it so.  Then they shared a big, oily, naked hug.  It’s exactly how God meant it.

Okay, this show is spending more time telling us about what’s going to happen then they spend showing us what actually happens.  Do we really need to see clips about what’s going to happen after the commercial?  Between that and the flashbacks to what has already happened on the show, I’m guessing they showed us about three minutes of new footage.  If I wanted to watch reruns, I’d tune into the Reality Channel.

Chris and Ali’s Family
Chris sets the stage for us by saying, “This could be a deal breaker.”  No, the deal breaker is that you’re a terrible kisser.

Oh my God!  It’s so hilarious that Chris is from Massachusetts!  We are all laughing!  We are all teachers!  We say things like “education business”!  Everything is great!  Now let’s talk about your dead mom!  Really?  Do we have to hear about this every single episode?  Oh right.  He’s boring, too.

Chris’s showdown with Ali’s dad took on the form of a more traditional fully clothed conversation where the father asked tough questions and Chris avoided them by saying things that he thought the father wanted to hear.  It was just as boring as real life and possibly the first time this reality show actually captured reality.  Then they dueled with poison tipped foils.  Chris managed to vanquish Ali’s father and earn Ali’s hand in marriage plus the family goat.

I believe the actors in the Cymbalta ads more than I believe the the people on this show.

Conversation With the Family
After the visits with the two guys, Ali took some time to chat with her family.  Dad was all about Roberto which is no surprise because you could totally see the chemistry during their oily, naked hug.  The rest of the family loved Chris except for Ali’s sister who loved herself.  Hey, Ali’s sister, shut up.  It’s not your show.

1-on-1 Date with Roberto
Ali needed one last date with each of the guys because she, well, I have no idea why.  She and Roberto went swimming with stingrays.  You know, the creature that killed the Crocodile Hunter.  She keeps saying that Roberto makes her feel safe, but this is ridiculous.

After the stingrays didn’t kill them (wouldn’t that have been a shocking ending?), Ali and Roberto have a picnic on a private beach.  Then it starts to rain and Roberto says, “Ali and I are sitting there and it starts to rain.  That was one of the coolest experiences in my life.”  Really?  Rain?  Rain is one of the coolest experiences in your life?  You are more boring than I could have ever imagined.

In the evening, Ali headed over to Roberto’s cabin for a booty call.  Don’t worry.  He was classy about it.  He gave her a picture and said something in Spanish before he told her he loved her so that he could bang her one last time.

1-on-1 Date with Chris
Do you think Chris can smell Roberto on her?  I bet he can, and Ali knew it.  That’s why she pulled a Frank and dumped him before the date.  When she does it, it’s the right thing.  When Frank does it, it’s evil.  Then Chris saw a rainbow and he immediately knew that it was his dead mother giving him some sort of signal.  Did you think we’d get through a Chris segment without hearing about his mother?

We were then subjected to 20 minutes of filler.  Ali talked about how much she loved Roberto, Roberto chose a ring and talked about his big decision and there was a bad montage of getting dressed shots.  Roberto spent a lot of time talking about how he didn’t want to propose if it wasn’t right and yadda, yadda, yadda.  Do they really think we’re dumb enough to fall for that?  Yes, they do.  They think we are complete idiots.

The Proposal
Oh sweet God.  Who talks this much before a proposal?  Why isn’t there a Bachelorette equivalent of keyboard cat to play him off?  Eventually he proposed and she said yes as we all knew she would from the very beginning.  We’re then treated to a ridiculous montage set to “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” from the Lion King.  I feel something, but it’s a lot more like throw up in my mouth.

My final rose goes to…
Stephen — for subjecting himself to the torture of this show and using the line, “Can I poke out my ears?”
Me — for predicting in week 3 that Ali had already chosen Roberto.
Two final roses?  Yep, that’s my shocking twist.

After the Final Rose
Did you watch the show?  Then you’ve already seen everything on the “After the Final Rose” special.  This is the only show that is already in reruns before it’s over.  What a waste of everyone’s time.  Just like the entire season.

Monday, August 02, 2010

My Weekend at Cedar Point

Did you read the title?  No?  I’ll wait while you do.  Yeah.  I spent the weekend at Cedar Point and IT WAS AWESOME.  I’m not a big fan of writing in all caps but I really needed to make you understand how awesome it was.  IT WAS AWESOME.

Cedar Point has approximately 700 roller coasters and Dee and I managed ride eleven of them.  When we weren’t riding roller coasters, we were standing in line ranking the roller coasters.  I’ll give you my rankings with comments, but I won’t speak for Dee so you’ll see her’s without comment.

Without further ado…

The Corkscrew
Jeff’s Cedar Point Roller Coaster Rankings
1) Millennium Force
I could tell you that the first hill is 310 feet high.  I could tell you that you hit 93 mph.  Those things sound impressive, but they don’t tell you about the view of Canada or the tight turns that shift your organs around like the loose sacks of meat they are.  They don’t tell you that your hair looks like you stuck your finger in a light bulb when it’s over.  They don’t tell you that it’s inexplicably awesome.

2) Top Thrill Dragster
This ride is so cool that they set up bleachers for people to watch.  It launches you out of the gate at 120 mph and you go straight up, turn over and then straight back down.  It only lasts for about 15 seconds, but the feeling stays with you for a good 15 minutes—or until you poop.

This video doesn’t do it justice, but it gives you a hint.


3) Maverick
A surprisingly good roller coaster.  It doesn’t look impressive because the first hill is only 105 feet tall, but it descends at a 95ยบ angle.  For those of you bad at math, that’s past vertical.  It’s also super fast and there’s a surprise halfway through that rocketed this one from middle of the pack to top three.  I won’t ruin the surprise because that’s what makes it awesome.

4) Mantis
Mantis is Cedar Point’s stand-up roller coaster.  I don’t mean that it’s a nice guy and has your back.  You are actually standing up while on this roller coaster.  Sound gimmicky, right?  Nope.  This is still a serious coaster.  It’s fast and has all sorts of fun tricks up its sleeve.  Even though it’s right out in the open, it’s constantly surprising you.

5) Raptor
This is the newest of the two inverted (hangs below the track) coasters.  Strangely, this was the ride with the longest line each day.  Dee and I couldn’t figure out why.  It isn’t new (it opened in 1994).  It isn’t the tallest or fastest.  It was fun, but it certainly wasn’t worth the hour and forty-five minute wait.

6) Magnum
Dee loved this one.  I didn’t.  I almost put it lower because it feels overrated to me.  It’s all about the 205 foot first hill.  After that, it’s kinda boring.  It made Dee giggly, so I guess that’s worth something.

7) Gemini
The Gemini is the requisite “racing coaster.”  For a coaster built in 1978, it still holds its own.  It’s not going to blow you away, but you’re still going to have fun.

8) Corkscrew
This one is as old as me, but it does turn you upside-down three times.  You know, like me.
Ladies?

9) Iron Dragon
The other inverted coaster.  It’s old and slow and makes a chugga-chugga sound like it’s on death’s door.  It’s kinda cute in its own way.

10) Disaster Transport
This one is indoors.  That’s its thing.  It’s dark and at a few points it’s just rolling along like a bobsled with no track.  It seems much cooler than it is.

11) Mean Streak
This one was brand new when I was last in Cedar Point in 1991.  It’s probably the last wooden coaster that will ever be built because it’s rickety, rough and more punishing than fun.  Or maybe I’m just old.

The Iron Dragon (insert chugga-chugga noise)
Dee’s Cedar Point Roller Coaster Rankings
1) Millennium Force
2) Magnum, Maverick (tie)
4) Top Thrill Dragster
5) Mantis
6) Raptor
7) Disaster Transport
8) Gemini
9) Iron Dragon
10) Corkscrew
11) Mean Streak

Obviously, Dee and I disagree on the Magnum.  Otherwise our lists are pretty similar.  Mine is the correct one, though.

Go to Cedar Point.  It’s AWESOME.

You can see the rest of my photos here.