Thursday, September 23, 2010

Free Candy

Every office has one.  One good person that decides to make office life more tolerable by putting out a bowl full of candy for everyone.  God bless those people.  They don’t get the thanks they deserve.  Good thing I’m here to rectify that problem.

Why the free candy bowl person in your office is awesome:
1) It takes effort to keep that thing stocked.  Once people know about that bowl, it gets abused.
2) People take and take and take and the candy bowl person never gets anything in return.
3) They deal with people who make requests.  “Hey, Joe, where is my favorite candy that you are buying for me?”
4) They deal with people who complain about the current selection.  “Hey, Joe, this free selection of Smarties and Bit-O-Honey sucks.”
5) They bear the guilt of contributing to the fattening of America.

Note: does not condone the eating of candy in any way.  Candy is bad for you.  Candy will kill you.  Then it will come to your house and kill your wife and kids and the family pet.  Then — because Candy can never satisfy its bloodlust — it will hunt down your extended family — especially your cousins once removed — and kill them.  Its weapon of choice?  Diabetes.  Its secondary weapon of choice?  A pitchfork.  It’s tertiary weapon of choice?  A tuning fork.


No comments:

Post a Comment