If we successfully end bullying, what will we do with the surplus of lunch money?
I’m approaching the age where people assume you are racist if you don’t like hip hop.
Don’t sign your emails with “Warm Regards.” It’s just creepy. I always want to respond with “Moist Sincerity.”
I’m much closer to mid-life crisis than I am to any other major life milestone.
That guy in the Lowe’s commercial that bought the wrong paint to cover the stripes on his wall is awfully cocky for someone who bought the wrong paint to cover the stripes on his wall.
I went a whole day without knowing that the World Series was over and I follow several sportswriters on Twitter. Weird.
You’d think dogs would figure out a more efficient way to drink water.
The lame jokes that lead into the opening credits sequence on Law & Order: SVU are a special bit of genius.
I can’t wait for my eyebrows to go gray and bushy so that I have a good excuse for talking to myself on the train. The truth: It won’t be long.
Does anyone else feel like Xbox Kinect is a trap?
I just realized that this whole post could have kept my Twitter account rolling for a week.