Living with a pregnant wife for the last five months has taught me a few things. For example, it’s taught me about the best possible time for a woman to be pregnant. I’ve discovered that some times are better than others. Ladies, if you’re looking to get pregnant, I’m here to give you a few tips on when to make it happen.
1) When you don’t think you’re peeing enough.
2) When naps become your highest priority.
3) When you’re ready for a completely new wardrobe that will be useless within three months.
4) When you need something heavy moved.
5) When you’d like to cry at every single commercial and TV drama ever.
6) When you’re tired of walking the dog.
7) When you want ice cream.
8) When you don’t ever need to remember anything — including things that happened three seconds ago.
9) When you’ve decided you’re done taking out the trash.
10) When you’d like vomiting to immediately follow smelling things.