Remember back when I made a bunch of predictions for 2010? No, you probably don't. I didn't either. Until just now.
Unlike Nostradamus I'm not the kind of guy to leave you with a bunch of predictions and then die so that I can't be held accountable. I'm going to hold my own feet to the fire and see how I did on my predictions for 2010. Eff Nostradamus.
"Dee will fall asleep 30 minutes into every movie we watch at home."
I went bold with this one. You're always taking a chance when you throw "every" into a prediction. It was my undoing. She did manage to stay awake for the entirety of several movies and last more than 30 minutes into several others in 2010. She's also done well in 2011.
"I will be teased with idea of an office all to myself (possibly with a window) but it will never happen."
Nailed it. Several times in 2010 was I teased with the possibility of a new office. I'm still in the same office. In fact, I've even been teased with the prospect of my own office in 2011.
"There will be elections in 2010."
We elected all sorts of Senators, Representatives, Governors and all sorts of local officials. I knocked this one right out of the park.
"Michael Jackson will remain dead."
You may think I included this one simply to pad my stats, but we've all seen his "Thriller" video. Dude was some kind of zombie. Never count this guy out. He may still come back and organize a zombie dancing flash mob.
Verdict: CORRECT, so far
"His family will not, unfortunately."
They lived through 2010 and are still alive. Each and every one of them. Maybe he's waiting for them to die so that they can all come back as one big, dysfunctional zombie family.
"Shoeless” Joe Jackson will not be reinstated. He will also remain dead."
Oooh, a two-parter. The rest of the Internet tells me that "Shoeless" Joe Jackson was not reinstated by Major League Baseball in 2010. Nor has he been reinstated in 2011. The rest of the Internet also confirms that he is dead. I cannot confirm that he is playing catch with Michael Jackson in the afterlife.
Verdict: CORRECT and CORRECT
"The CTA’s customer service policy will continue to consist of simply apologizing for shitty service."
Based on my experience, this was the policy in 2010 and it continues to be the policy to this day. Yet, I have not changed my CTA usage one bit.
Verdict: CORRECT, but I take no satisfaction from this verdict.
"Someone reading this will go fishing."
Well... I can't verify this. You see, I don't know how many people read the original post -- Google Analytics let me down -- and I definitely don't know who read the post. I do know that my brother went fishing in 2010. However, I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog. I could call him and find out, but what do you think I am? A journalist? Sheesh.
If you went fishing in 2010, show yourself!
"People will continue to be surprised when they find out I’m a performer."
So one time in 2010 I went into the break room and one of my co-workers started talking to me about my shows. Another co-worker overheard our conversation and was all, "Shows? What shows?" I was all, "I do comedy shows." She was all, "Get out. You? No." I was all, "I won't. Yes, me. Yes." You'll have to take my word for it on this one.
"I will be excited and then disappointed by the Notre Dame football team."
Our new coach, Brian Kelly, really excited me during the offseason in 2010. Then they won their first game and I got more excited. Then they lost their next game while giving up 500 yards to one player. I got disappointed. The cycle repeated.
"I will get angry at several TV commercials for their flawed logic."
Oh man did I nail this one. Ask Dee. I spent much of 2010 yelling at the TV. Sometimes I would even pause it just to rant at the poor logic or at how stupid they seem to think I am. In fact, I got so good at this that I'm continuing the trend in 2011.
"Taylor Swift will release another poorly-written, poorly-sung album that people will buy like crazy."
Yes. This happened. It sucked and people loved it. America disappoints me once again.
"You will gasp and call me a monster for daring to pick on Taylor Swift (okay, that might happen in 2009)."
I just had to go for the joke here, didn't I? Where is my discipline? There is no way I can verify this unless you confirm that it happened. I want to fight Taylor Swift. Did that make you gasp? Probably not.
Verdict: UNCONFIRMED, but highly unlikely
"People in my neighborhood will deposit large amounts of uneaten food on the sidewalk."
2010 was a banner year for large food deposits in Rogers Park. If the city kept statistics on this, I'm sure it would have set some kind of record. I can tell you that my dog loved it. While she was eating it, anyway. When she was puking and pooping all over, not so much. Of course, her doggie brain can't tie free, delicious treasure discovered during her outside time with a painful stomach and vomiting later so she continued to snap it up. Stupid dog. I love her.
"The “Mindsilt Apostles” will have a great 2010 filled with swearing, sex (consensual, of course), very little fishing and only as much religion as you can tolerate."
At the beginning of the original post I referred to my 12 readers as the "Mindsilt Apostles". This was my exceedingly clever way to wish them a happy 2010. Unfortunately, I got the better of myself and gave you another prediction that cannot be confirmed. Way to end with a whimper, Ford.
Out of 15 predictions, I got 11 correct, three were unconfirmed and one was flat out wrong. I guess that's what I get for picking on my wife. Still, 11 out of 15 is pretty freaking good. Too bad I didn't make any predictions for 2011. I'll just have to do this again in 2013 -- if we're all not dead.