Monday, March 28, 2011

You Can't Fool Me, Fisher Price

For the last two Saturdays, I’ve spent my time at baby showers.  Now I’ve got a house full of baby stuff.  Most of the stuff is either tiny and cute, or very straightforward in its functionality.  However, there is one item that is making itself out to be more than it actually is — the Fisher Price “Aquarium Bath Center”.

Let me explain with words and pictures.

The Fisher Price Aquarium Bath Center

False claims

If you look closely, you can see it claims that it “Grows with baby… from newborn to toddler! ¡Crece con el bebé, de recién nacido a niño pequeño!”.    I’m pretty sure the Spanish portion says something like, “Not really, dumbass.”  Let’s take an even closer look.

Step 1: Newborn, Recién nacido (translation: Sleeping pooper)

As you can see, there is a little nest that suspends the newborn baby within the tub so that she won’t drown.  I get it.  No one likes a drowning baby.  That’s not cute at all.  However, the tub itself is still regular size.  I still have to use a bathtub that doesn’t fit my child.  I’m not buying your half-ass solution, Fisher Price.

Step 2: Infant, Bebé (translation: women's apparel)

Look at that.  The infant fits in there perfectly.  This tub is clearly made for infant-sized children.  No complaints with this.

Step 3: Toddler, Niño pequeno (translation: Storm bringer)

C’mon.  I’m not stupid.  The kid won’t fit in the damn tub anymore, so you have to sit her up.  This tub hasn’t changed at all.  We have to constantly change the way we use it.  It’s not growing with my baby, it’s staying the exact same size.  I have to adapt this thing to fit the size of my child.

I’m not fooled, Fisher Price.  I know I didn’t get the Swiss Army Knife of children’s bathtubs.  Instead, I got a tub and an unnecessary instruction manual.  Babies might be this dumb, but I’m not.


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