Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A Scene With My New Family

*Based on real life events*

CHARACTERS
JEFF — new father, dog owner, loving husband.
DEE — new mother, dog owner, amazing wife.
SCARLETT — 5 day-old baby, super adorable.
RUTHIE — wiener dog, self-appointed protector of our home.

THE SCENE
SCARLETT sleeps in her bassinet, DEE naps on the couch.  JEFF has just brought RUTHIE home for the first time since SCARLETT has come home from the hospital.

SCARLETT: I think I might be hungry.  Wait.  YES!  I’M DEFINITELY HUNGRY!
RUTHIE: What was that?  ALARM!  ALARM!  Something is in my home!
JEFF: Ruthie, quiet.
(JEFF picks up SCARLETT)
RUTHIE: Whoa.  What is THAT?
JEFF: Ruthie, it’s your sister, Scarlett.
RUTHIE: I don’t understand.
JEFF: She’s our little baby, she’s going to live with us now.
RUTHIE: I’m scared.
DEE: ZZZzzzzzzz… Are you… Wha… ZZZzzzzzzzz.
JEFF: Don’t be scared, she won’t hurt you.
RUTHIE: But she’s so hairy.  Is she a dog?
SCARLETT: (flails) I’M STILL HUNGRY!
RUTHIE: Whoa.  I’m going to hide.
JEFF: (gives SCARLETT her bottle) Here you go.
SCARLETT: ‘Bout time.  NOM, NOM, NOM.
DEE: It’s time for me to pump again.
JEFF: Again?  How much sleep did you get?
DEE: I don’t know.  Three minutes?
JEFF: That’s twice as much as last time.
DEE: I know, I feel refreshed.
SCARLETT: (burps)
RUTHIE: (pops head from under blanket) Was that a monster?  It makes sounds like a monster.
JEFF: It’s okay, Ruthie.
RUTHIE: THIS IS NOT OKAY.  (Hides under blankets.)
SCARLETT: (loudly poops.)
RUTHIE: Seriously?  This is my life now?
JEFF: Ruthie, are you hungry?
RUTHIE: YES!  FOOD!  I LOVE FOOD!  EVERYTHING IS RIGHT AGAIN!

****

2 comments:

  1. I cannot wait to hear more like this! If you have ever needed more material, having a kid was the perfect plan! Enjoy!

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  2. She's gorgeous Jeff! And I too loved the scene. Its amazing the things you will say or think or do when you are sleep deprived and high on your baby!

    COngrats Ford Family! We love you!

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