I love my daughter. I love her more than I could have imagined. She is over a month old now. I’d love to tell you that the first month has just flown by, but it hasn’t. In fact, I’m not even comfortable recommending that someone have a baby. If you came to me right now and asked me if you and your significant other should have a baby, I would probably say no.
Does this mean I regret having a baby? Absolutely not. I couldn’t be happier that Dee and I brought a beautiful little girl into this world. I just don’t know that I would ever want to do it again. Why? Let me list the reasons.
1) The birth took a severe toll on my wife. Her labor was rough (until she got the epidural). The delivery was even rougher. She had a C-section and even then the baby did not come out easily. She lost a lot of blood — enough that she needed several blood transfusions. She couldn’t even stand up for two days. She’s still not fully recovered. She can walk, but not at her normal pace. She can’t lift anything heavier than the baby. She couldn’t even walk our tiny little dog for the first week after we came home.
2) The constant feeding takes a severe toll on my wife. If she’s very lucky she gets three straight hours of sleep at a time. She’s constantly tired and she barely has time to do anything besides sleep and feed the baby. She’s a very strong woman and her spirits are mostly high, but sometimes she breaks down and it breaks my heart.
3) You get almost nothing back. The baby can’t really do anything yet. She doesn’t laugh or smile (anything that looks like a smile is just gas). She cries, eats, poops and sleeps. The only thing she can do is look at you. Sure, that melts your heart, but you know there’s nothing behind it. Especially once you realize that simply picking her up and being close to her doesn’t make a difference to her screaming ways. On the other hand, you know it’s not personal.
Talk to me two months from now and I’ll probably feel differently. She’ll be making noises and laughing at my silly faces and playing with toys and reading novels. I’m sure I’ll tell you that it’s the best thing in the world, but right now all I can tell you is that it’s really hard. Really, really hard.