I very rarely lose my temper. Mostly because I don’t care that much. However, I’m pretty sure I’d hulk out if anyone threatened my daughter with anything that might even possibly harm her. HULK. OUT.
I really like the phrase “void my bowels.”
I love when someone points out that the new CEO of a company was answering phones just five years ago. It’s a great American success story. I just want to know how he did it without answering his phone for five years.
Mental health is just ignoring those screaming voices in your head, right?
In truth, I only ignore them because I can’t make out what they are saying.
Do we stop drinking breast milk because our moms are lazy or because it seems like something annoying hipsters would do?
Boehner said that he “got 98% of what he wanted” out of the debt deal. So that means that when he’s campaigning to be re-elected to his seat in the House in two years and things haven’t improved, he’ll be all, “My bad.” Right?
No one ever says, “Remember that time when we remembered all those times we had fun?”
I’m very glad that I didn’t have to actually see my child emerging from my wife on the operating table. How could I be expected to get a nice, hard boner ever again after seeing something like that?