Thursday, September 15, 2011

750 Words

Every day I write at least 750 words.  In fact, there is a site called that I use for this purpose.  It's usually just stream of consciousness stuff and the point is to just write.  Once you know that you can hammer out 750 words every single day no matter how stuck you're feeling, Writer's Block becomes a thing of the past.

Anyway, I've decided to include my unedited 750 words entry from yesterday for your enjoyment.  I thought it was strange and fun and interesting--which isn't always the case with these posts.  Enjoy.


Again, I have to write for real.  Thankfully, no one will ever read this.  Unless they do and then they are reading this right now.  

Ugh.  I just sneezed oatmeal across my office.  Gross.  I think I have more oatmeal than I can eat this morning.  

Anyway, you're reading this right now.  I'm not sure how you came across this but no matter what, you've found some way to hack into these posts.  You've either figured out my password--which is undoubtedly something different than it was when I was writing this--or you've hacked into the 750 words servers.  Either way, you've found something that is supposed to be private.  I don't want you to feel guilty, though.  I don't really care.  There's nothing here that I need to hide.  All of the good stuff that I really need to hide is kept locked away in my brain where no one will ever get to it.  Unless they have developed some kind of technology that can pull data from your brain in your future and you still have my brain lying around.  My plan is to be cremated, though, so you may not have anything to work with.  Anyway, all the good stuff is up there.  Like the secret location of the million plus dollars I have stashed away from that bank heist I pulled off back in the '80s.  And how I disposed of the bodies from my murder spree in Oshkosh, WI in the '90s.  See, nobody knows about any of that stuff.  There are some other things, but they are even worse.  Not rape.  I've never raped nor molested anyone, nothing like that.  Mostly it's soul stealing kind of shit.  You know, Black Magic.  Crazy, crazy stuff.  Anyway, that stuff is locked up in my brain and you'll never get it, Person Who Is Reading This.  Also, I've had impure thoughts about women.  Very impure.  So there's that too, but you'll never know.  I bet you totally want to know, don't you?

Today is my brother's birthday.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I've done some really terrible things.  I mean bank theft?  Murder?  Those are pretty bad.  I mean, the money in that bank in San Francisco belonged to a bunch of nice San Franciscans, I'm sure.  Some of them probably weren't so nice, but that's the way the world is, isn't it?  Those people probably lost their money.  Or maybe they didn't because it's all sorts of FDIC insured and whatever.  Regardless, it wasn't very nice of me to do that.  I should probably find their names, addresses and Social Security numbers and send them personalized apology notes that I paid for with their money.  That would certainly make me feel better.  I can't really do that for the over 300 people I killed in Oshkosh.  I suppose I could order flowers for their gravestones.  Or maybe I could send notes to their families expressing my condolences.  That one is a little tougher to apologize for.  Plus, most of them were homeless so they don't have an address or a listed next of kin or anything and they probably don't even have gravestones.  What if they wanted to be cremated?  Do I buy flowers for their urn?  Do they put the flowers in the urn so they stick out the top?  Or stickers?  I bet you buy condolence stickers for the urn, right?  I bet they don't call them stickers, though.  I bet they call them something like "Memorial Decals" or "Remembrance Adhesives."  That's what I would call them.  I bet they have little Virgin Marys and Jesuses and probably some Stars of David.  Wait, is it against Jewish law to be cremated?  I feel like it is.  I don't know.  I'll have to look that up.  I wonder if any of those homeless people I killed were Jewish.  I sure do hope not.  I can handle being a murderer, but I don't want to be known as anti-Semitic.  That would truly be horrible. 

So that's the plan.  Apology notes, flowers and urn stickers for everyone.  Boy, I sure am glad I wrote my 750 words today.  This has really been therapeutic.  I think I've made a lot of progress with myself today.  I guess this really does serve a purpose, doesn't it?  Who knew that this little site could heal?  I certainly feel much better now than I did before I started writing what with all the bank robbing and murder spreeing weighing heavily on my mind.  Now that I've decided to make amends, I feel much better already.    


In case you're incredibly thick--or a law enforcement officer of any kind--I've never robbed a bank or murdered anyone.  Just wanted to make that clear.  Have a nice day.



  1. This is visible to google. Showed up for me under "750words hacked" because I was looking into whether granting access to her gmail is what got my wife's account compromised. If there was anything embarrassingly private, I stopped reading before I came across it. Just wanted to let you know that this is in fact showing up in search results. I would check on your settings. Blogger is a Google app and they should know how to tell their own crawlers to not index your stuff.

    1. I deliberately posted this. My 750 words account has not been hacked. You should have kept reading, I make it pretty clear.