Thursday, September 22, 2011

Time To Be Funny

Okay, it’s another blog post which means that it’s time to be funny.  So let's see.  What should I be funny about?  We’re not watching commercials together so I can’t make fun of commercials.  I’m hilarious when I make fun of commercials.  Dee loves it when I do that.  She also kinda hates it.  I guess I could do the next best thing and rant about something, but I don't really feel like ranting.  Boy, this is going to be tough.  If I don't have a commercial handy then I'm probably not going to be funny.  All I have here is a computer with a mostly blank screen in front of me.  Sheesh.  I've got nothing to deal with here, people.  How do you expect me to be funny about an empty screen that I'm typing on?  I can't.  I can't do it.  Blank screens aren’t funny.  They might be mildly amusing in the sense that I could do a joke about writer’s block that we’ve all heard before, but that’s not my style.  You're asking me to pull funny from nothingness.  Nothingness is not funny.  Unless it’s the kind of nothingness that comes from humankind obliterating itself.  That shit is funny on so many levels, but it’s not what we’re dealing with here.  We’re just dealing with plain old blank page nothingness.  This nothingness didn’t come from a hilarious tragedy.  This nothingness is way too nothing to be funny.  There has to be something.  Even a little something.  Something can be funny but nothing will not be.  It's incredibly frustrating.  In fact, I think we can call this a failure.  I've typed several sentences already and none of them have been funny.  Not a one.  That's failure.  It's not like I'm working up to it anymore.  I've had that time.  I had plenty of ramp up time.  I should be fully ramped by now.  In fact, I should be off the ramp and onto the expressway of hilarity by this point.  I'm clearly not there.  Not by far.  In fact, I'm not even sure that I'm on the ramp yet.  I'm far from the ramp.  I'm still in the parking lot.  I haven't even gotten into the car yet.  It's really pretty fucking sad.  It's like I've forgotten my keys or something.  Yes, that is exactly it.  I completely forgot my keys and that's why I'm not being funny.  I can't even get to the point where I can ramp up.  It's sad and I've just wasted your time.  For that I apologize.  I am truly sorry.
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