Monday, October 10, 2011

Weekend Football Thoughts and Other Things

I’ll waste no time getting to my weekend football thoughts and other stuff.  Wait, I just wasted time didn’t I?  Dang.

After yesterday’s victory, I bet the Raiders wish Al Davis could die every week.

Also, RIP Al Davis.

Guys, Tim Tebow might already be the best quarterback the NFL has ever seen.

There’s a very good chance that my daughter’s first words will be “Ruthie, no!”

With the exception of Wisconsin and Denard Robinson, Big Ten football is completely unwatchable.

Right now it looks like there are three college teams that are way better than the rest of the nation.  LSU, Alabama and Oklahoma.  Wisconsin is a close four, but after that the drop-off is pretty steep.  

I know that we want our burgers to be hot and juicy, Wendy’s, but we don’t want to eat something that is actually called “Hot & Juicy.”

It’s hard not to think “cheater” when you see an Ohio State player with a tattoo.

Announcers, it’s time to stop freaking out about teams using their timeouts early in the first half.  Each team gets three more in the second half.

NFL Fact: Coming in to Sunday, Pat Angerer of the Indianapolis Colts led the league in tackles.  Who says you never learn anything from these posts?  

No politician, political party or movement could possibly threaten the future of our nation more than the Kardashian family.  I’m not joking.

What in the hell is JLo doing at the end of that Fiat commercial?  Did the director ask her to punch two ghosts?

Notre Dame beat Air Force 59-33 on Saturday.  Thanks to the Internet I now know that there are many Notre Dame fans who are unsatisfied with the victory.  This is exactly why I never go to fan message boards.  They are always a huge bitch fest and they love to play the “what if” game.  What if Air Force hadn’t fumbled on the first drive?  What if they’d ruled Michael Floyd’s touchdown incomplete?  What if we replaced Air Force’s quarterback with a giant boxing robot controlled by Hugh Jackman?  The “what if” game is stupid on so many levels that I don’t even want to waste your time with telling you why.

How did Taylor Martinez become the starting quarterback at Nebraska when it is clear that no one has ever taught him how to throw a football?

Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth are so good partially because they are not afraid of silence.  The Monday Night crew could learn a few things about silence.

I need Curtis Painter to be bad this season.  The last thing I want is for the Colts to think that they are just fine at the quarterback position and not draft a top-tier replacement for Peyton Manning.

In order to get his new sitcom, I think Tim Allen walked in to ABC and said, “I think everyone’s forgotten about all of my old jokes, let’s do them all again.”

If you didn’t know I was being sarcastic about Tim Tebow, you’re a dummy.  Or not a football fan.  

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