I do more before 9 AM than most people do between 9 AM and 9:30 AM. That's no joke. So listen (well, not listen really. Just pay attention to what I'm about to write. You know, reading comprehension and all that. Get ready.) here's what I did this morning:
I got in to work and I unpacked my shit and got my computers set up and I mashed up my dry oatmeal so it would be more microwave friendly. Bam! One thing! Then I went to the kitchen and made my oatmeal. Bam! Two things! I also got water. Bam! Three things! I cleaned my water bottle first, though. Bam! Four things! Then I came back to my office and I fucking checked my email. Bam! Five things! I discovered an email from one of my coworkers in New York asking me to send payment for Girl Scout cookies I ordered from his daughter. Bam! Six things! I sent him a clever response. Bam! Seven things! I realized that I needed change for the $50 in my wallet so I went down to the convenience store to buy a pack of gum (which I needed anyway.) Bam! Eight things! I came back upstairs and put the money in an envelope to send to New York. Bam! Nine things! I wrote a clever note on the outside of the envelope. Bam! Ten Things! I asked my secretary how the hell I use our interoffice mailing system and dropped envelope into a bigger, redder envelope and addressed it to my coworker in New York. Bam! Eleven things that could possibly be construed as thirteen things total but I've decided to be conservative in my estimate of things I've done! I arranged for the envelope to be picked up. Bam! Twelve things! Then I sat down and ate my oatmeal. Bam! Thirteen things! Now I'm writing this. Bam! Fourteen things! See? I've done at least fourteen things this morning and it's only 8:42 AM. I've still got eighteen minutes in which to do several more things. Most likely I'll just clean my oatmeal bowl and take my vitamins. Bam! Fifteen and sixteen things! Otherwise I'll just surf the Internet until my conference call at 9 AM. Bam! Almost a seventeenth thing!