Look, I know that most of you don’t need a user guide for towels. However, there is a large group of men in my gym who apparently do need a user guide for towels. What do I mean? Well, there are several men in my gym who think that a towel is something you simply wrap around your waist after taking a shower. It seems they’ve never been told that towels are made to absorb excess water, or they’ve never noticed that towels are really good at that. Instead, they get out of the shower, wrap the towel around their waist and traipse across the locker room leaving a trail of water behind them for people to slip and fall in.
Strangely, these are not older gentlemen. They are men my age or younger. I would understand if it was older men. Towels may not have been invented when they were in their formative years. Towels could simply be a new technology to older men. As we all know, new technology can be confusing to older people. Plus, by the time you reach 40 you start to lose your marbles so you might have just forgotten how to use a towel.
I’m not talking about older men. These are younger men who seem to think that towels are temporary skirts. They don’t seem to be catching on to how the rest of us use towels, so I guess it’s my duty to educate the younger generation (yep, that just made me a very old man) on how to use a freaking towel.
How to use a towel:
1) Turn off the shower.
2) Grab the towel.
3) Rub the towel on your body to absorb the excess water on your skin.
4) You can even rub it on your head to dry your hair.
5) Wrap towel around your waist and exit the shower.
That’s it. Real easy. Now stop dripping all over my damn locker room, assholes.