Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Writing While Tired

Let's try an experiment (a blogsperiment?).  I'm going to write this while I'm super tired. My brain isn't working correctly. Because I'm super tired. I'm exhausted. Also, I'm tired. 

Something I worry about:
When Dee's parents come to watch Scarlett I worry that they'll see the baby food jar that I use for collecting grease and try to feed it to Scarlett. I know the grease looks nothing like squash and I know Dee's parents aren't dumb but I can clearly see Scarlett munching on tiny spoonfuls of grease. It would be both adorable and disgusting.  Disdorable?  Adsgusting?

You know what's dumb?  Cutting tomatoes. 

Think of something gross. Do it. Don't read the next line until you do. Got it?  Okay, read on. 

I was thinking of sweaty cock. I bet mine was grosser than yours. Unless you are Tristan, then you thought of something way grosser. 

What would happen if Tristan wrote me back on our other blog?  I bet I'd write back then we'd all laugh and wait for six months for Tristan to respond. It's more special when she makes us wait.

I made a big decision today. 

You don't fully understand excess until you've watched Dee fill a taco shell. 

Guys, I really don't want to take the dog out. Can you do it for me?

Guys, don't tell Dee but I totally put Jalepeno Tabasco in the taco meat. Wait, Dee is going to read this because she has it sent to her email. Poop. Secret's out. Also, if you want to have these posts sent directly to your email like a special little electronic gift, put your email address into that tiny little box on the right. 

Guys, I'm totally starting another sentence with "Guys."  Why?  Because I'm tired and when I'm tired my brain thinks it's talking to a small, friendly and attentive group of people. 

Instead of "talking to" I should have written "writing for."

You have absolutely no idea what time it is right now.  I mean, you totally know what time it is at the moment you are reading this but you don’t have any idea what time it was when I wrote this (which, for me, is right now).  It could be super late or it could be much earlier than you think or it could be the exact time you are thinking of.  Those aren’t the only possibilities.  There are endless possibilities.  Possibilities cannot be contained.

Are you still thinking about that gross thing I asked you to think of?  I know you are. Put it in the comments.


  1. Use a serrated knife (like a bread knife) to cut tomatoes. It's hard to cut them with a chef's knife because of the skin, but a serrated knife will cut right through it.

  2. Ryan Hill once showed me a video of one girl shitting in the mouth of another girl; it looked like chocolate soft serve, but was and is still the grossest thing I cna think of.
    My grandma bought me a tomato knife for Christmas one year; it is freaking perfect for cutting tomatos. It is the most specific knife that I have in my stable of knives. However, it is the first knife that my wife goes to cut the kids apples. It used to drive me nuts, now I use her powder brush to apply my shave cream. I feel better.

  3. I was still thinking about Scarlett eating grease. Way grosser. More gross. Grossest. Whatever.

  4. Damn it if I didn't learn something today. Tomato knife/serrated blade is better for tomato cutting. I feel like Lifehacker should have covered this at some point.