Monday, July 23, 2012

The Bachelorette Finalé - A Review

Look, Bachelor Pad starts tomorrow and I’m not going to write two of these in two days.  Instead, I’m going to go read a book and make some predictions about what will happen.
  • We’ll hear Chris Harrison say, “This is most dramatic finalé in Bachelorette history,” about 200 times.
  • Emily’s family will claim to be skeptical of the process but they’ll totally approve of both guys.
  • Emily will give about 20 overwrought speeches about how hard this is because she’s a single mother.
  • Emily, Arie and Jef will all stand on a balcony and stare into the distance while we hear a voice over of their thoughts.  If we’re lucky, we’ll get a shot of one of them shedding a single tear.
  • Arie and Emily will make out like crazy.  It will be gross.
  • Emily will cry when she sits down to talk with Chris Harrison.  You know, because she always does.
  • Every commercial break will include a preview for Bachelor Pad.
  • My wife will fall asleep about halfway through the episode.
  • Some guy named Dave will show up and sweep her off her feet with a daring proposal that she accepts.
  • Emily and Jef will break up within six months.


1 comment:

  1. Will Dave be proposing to Emily or your wife? I am confused!