Thursday, August 16, 2012

Football Is Back!

My life has been filled with all sorts of crazy things recently.  Building a house, trying to rent my condo, chasing my daughter around, getting repeatedly bashed in the face by my daughter, finding new things to make my daughter laugh, finding new things to make my wife laugh, and trying to deal with the severe pain in my leg without becoming a grumpy doctor like House.  Clearly, that’s enough to keep any man so busy that he loses track of time.  So, you can imagine my surprise when I turned on the TV and football jumped right into my eyes.  I stared blankly at the TV for a second before I realized what was happening.  Then the following happened in my brain:

“This can’t be right.  It has to be a replay of a game from last season.”
“Nope, that’s Peyton Manning in a Broncos jersey.”
“Boobs.”
“Why are they playing football in July?”
“Wait, it’s not July.”
“Holy shit!  Football is back!” 
“Okay, calm down.  It’s only preseason.”
“But, but, but, FOOTBALL!!!!!”
*Black out for at least 35 seconds.*

I wake up to see Dee standing over me.  “Are you okay,” she asks.
I wipe away the drool and manage to whisper, “Football.”
She says, “Oh no.  It’s football season already?”
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”
“Did you just have another football-induced seizure?”
“I just had a joy-induced seizure,” I say, “Can you bring me clean pants?”
****

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