Monday, December 10, 2012

Some Musicals I'm Writing

I’ve never been a fan of musicals but they seem to be more popular than ever.  Since it seems successful musicals can be made about anything, I’ve decided to write a few of my own.

Hipsters, Bacon and Pirates: The Musical — A gripping tale of heroic hipsters trying to rescue the world’s bacon supply from the clutches of greedy (and hungry) pirates.  The hipsters are aided by a robot made from cans of Hamm’s Beer (earlier versions had a robot made from PBR cans).

In Progress
Bros, Bro: The Musical, Bro — The story of a hardcore bro trying to save his bro from getting married to the woman he loves because that’s totally gay, bro.  The hero is aided by a robot made from cans of Natty Light.

Glee: The Un-Musical — I take scripts from episodes of Glee and remove all the music to create the least interesting yet highest selling Broadway show of all time.

Twitter: The Musical — Every character sings and speaks in 140 character bursts, complete with @ replies and hashtags.

The Book of Mormon: The Musical — I rewrite the script of The Book of Mormon only I make it a musical.

Family Videos: The Musical (working title) — The story of a blond lady who makes a video that her husband “probably shouldn’t watch on the plane” from that cell phone commercial.  I haven’t yet decided if she’s a spy.

Facebook: The Musical — A familiar story about the travails of young love, but once you really get into the story and figure out who everyone is, EVERYTHING changes so you’re completely lost.  Rinse, repeat. 

Monday, December 03, 2012

I'm Tired

Man, I’m tired.  I’ve been tired for the last two weeks.  I’m not sure why.  Well, I have an idea.  I think it’s because of my bedroom ceiling.  

You read that correctly.

My bedroom has a tray ceiling.  In case you don’t constantly watch House Hunters like my wife does, a tray ceiling is a ceiling that angles upwards in the center to create a large inset in the ceiling.  Some of your ceiling is regular height, some is slanted upwards and some of your ceiling is much higher.  It’s a very desirable feature in a home, apparently.  It really does look great when you walk into the room.  However, if you are lying in bed staring up at the tray ceiling, it looks very much like the inside of a coffin lid.  It makes it hard to go to sleep.  If you do manage to fall asleep and then wake up in the middle of the night, good luck trying to keep from thinking you’ve been buried alive.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have a nightly reminder of my mortality.  It makes you want to get off your ass and do something, but I need a full night’s sleep before I can do anything.  Also, it doesn’t help that we bought a fancy ceiling fan which has two blades that look like scythes.  So, imagine being buried alive in a coffin that has two curved, whirling blades descending upon you.  That’s my every single night.

So that might be why I’m tired.