Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Actual Conversations with My Wife

As a married couple, Dee and I often communicate with one another. Some times we text, sometimes we email, sometimes we call each other on the phone. Hell, sometimes we even talk face-to-face. Usually, we're all business because we're not the kind of people who have time for horseplay and shenanigans and tomfoolery. We are human, so sometimes we have intentionally and unintentionally funny conversations. Here are a few real life examples:

Email from Dee:
"Just wanted to say thank you for taking care of things laser night so I could get to bed early. I love you."

My response:
"No problem, baby. I knew you were tired and needed some rest.

Also, 'laser night' sounds awesome."


While watching The Bachelorette the name "Malachi" pops up in a graphic.
Jeff: (Head down, furiously typing on computer)
Dee: (trying to be helpful as I write my review) "The dad's name is Muh-latch-ee. M-A-L-A-C-H-I."
Jeff: Huh? Muh-latch-ee? (Looks up and sees the name) Nope. That's Mal-uh-kai.


This one happens a lot:
Dee: *says something very important about our daughter's health/school*
Jeff: Yep, got it.
Dee: Are you even listening?
Jeff: Nope.


Dee: *Texts me a picture of her at the NKOTB concert with another woman who also brought her Joey MacIntyre doll to the concert. The caption reads, "Joey met his twin."
Jeff: Is her husband also ashamed of her?


I'm at home by myself watching Scarlett. Dee texts me.
Dee: How is she doing?
Jeff: She just called me Cathy.


The day after Dee attended the Justin Timberlake/Jay-Z concert:
Jeff: How was the concert?
Dee: It was really good.
Jeff: Were you able to determine how many problems Jay-Z has?
Dee: Yes, 99. He thought it was important to specify that a bitch was not one of those problems. Hit me.

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