Wednesday, November 20, 2013

What is Wrong with These Gym Bros?

To the dude in my gym's locker room who decided to leave his underwear hanging on the shower curtain rod for the rest of us to deal with:

Why are you wearing your underwear to the shower? You're in a fucking locker room. You're allowed to be naked in the locker room. It's okay. If you're so worried about being naked in the locker room, wrap a towel around your waist. If for some reason a towel cannot be wrapped around your waist or you don't know how to wrap a towel around your waist, just hold it in front of your junk. There are zero reasons for you to be bringing your nasty underwear into the shower area.

Why are you hanging your underwear on the shower curtain rod? There are hooks outside the shower on which you can hang things — on second thought, don't hang them there, either. That's where people hang their towels. How about you just don't fucking WEAR YOUR UNDERWEAR INTO THE FUCKING SHOWER LIKE THE ONLY TEENAGER WHO HASN'T GONE THROUGH PUBERTY.

Seriously. What is the deal with guys like you who are afraid to be naked in a locker room? You don't want everyone to see your precious penis? WHO CARES? No one, that's who. No one in that locker room is interested in your dick (No, not even the gay guys.) In fact, most people will make the minimal effort it takes to not look at your dick. Are you trying to be considerate? Don't want to expose people to looking at your dick because you don't like to look at dicks? Grow up. People get naked in a locker room. In fact, it's necessary to get naked in a locker room so that you can shower and change your clothes. Don't be all, "Why does that old man want everyone to see his wrinkly dick?" Don't project. He probably doesn't want EVERYONE to see his wrinkly dick, but he certainly doesn't give a shit if some uptight young punk sees his wrinkly dick. His wrinkly dick has nothing to do with you but he seems to be the only one who knows that. We need to get over our bodies. When and who decided that we should always be ashamed of being naked? What's the big deal? We're all encased in these meat sacks that look generally the same. Who cares if some dude/lady at the gym sees more of your meat sack than you like or vice versa? (Heh, meat sack.)

My point is that if you could get over yourself, I wouldn't have to deal with a sweaty, nasty pair of used underwear hanging from the shower curtain rod in the gym. I'd much rather glimpse your dick for a few seconds than try to keep your sweaty underwear from falling on my head while I shower.


  1. Good old Jeff "I'd much rather glimpse your dick for a few seconds" Ford.

    "Can I get you something from Starbucks, Jeff?"
    "I'd much rather glimpse your dick for a few seconds."

    "Jeff, can we talk about the money you owe me?"
    "I'd much rather glimpse your dick for a few seconds."

    "Jeff, can you look at my dick for the next 5 hours?"
    "I'd much rather glimpse your dick for a few seconds."

    1. Ladies and gentlemen, Guy Wicke. Take a bow, Guy. Well done.

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