Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Thank You

I told you there'd be one more post before the end of the year. This is it.

I spend my morning and evening train rides writing and writing and writing. Every day I write at least 1000 words. Most of it is complete crap and will die an unremarkable death on my computer's hard drive. As it should. Some of it is better than complete crap and it ends up here or on Twitter. Every now and then something is good and that also ends up here or on Twitter and you guys respond to it. You post in the comments. You favorite it on Twitter. You like it on Facebook and maybe even share it with your friends. That's when I realize it was good. (I assume most writers have this problem. They think everything they write is crap until someone tells them it's not.) Your engagement with the post encourages me to keep slaving away — seemingly pointlessly — on the train each morning and evening. For that, I want to say THANK YOU.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for posting in the comments, Brian.

Thank you for retweeting my links to these posts, Derp.

Thank you for liking my posts on Facebook and sharing with your friends, many people.

Thank you for taking a little time out of your day to read some random stuff on this little blog that has absolutely no theme or through-line in a time when everything has a theme or through-line. In many ways this is my workshop. In other ways this is my gallery. Either way, thank you for your time and patience.

Your clicks and comments and likes and retweets encourage this old man to keep doing something he loves to do even when — especially when — it all seems like a waste of time. It means more than you know.

You all deserve entrance into whatever paradise you believe the afterlife to contain. If you don't believe in an afterlife, you deserve to be completely content with every aspect of your life in your final seconds. If you're not sure what you believe in, you deserve enthusiastic and unexpected high fives.

Happy New Year, wonderful people.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Some Programming Notes

Just a quick note to let you guys know that I won't be posting much — if anything — through the end of the year. Not that you expected me to based on my recent posting schedule but I wanted to let you know. I figure it's a nice courtesy to extend to those of you who do read this regularly.

A few programming notes:

I just discovered that a new season of The Bachelor will begin on January 5th. It looks like they're doing a two night premier because that's exactly what we need. If I feel like being a pro, I'll recap them both in separate posts. If I'm not feeling like a pro (especially because the 6th is my birthday and who needs to watch that mess of a show on his birthday?) I'll only do one. 

This is a second programming note because I promised "a few." The plan is to also return to my more regular posting schedule when my Bachelor reviews return. Regular posting schedule? Yes, I had been trying to keep to a Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday schedule. I will try to return to that in January.

I hope to spend some of my time off for the holidays working on a special project that will appear on the blog. It will depend on my wife's schedule but I hope to have a new feature for you in early 2014. Yes, Dee is involved and plays a major role. Will Scarlett be involved as well? Possibly. You'll just have to keep checking the blog.

Also, I totally lied about not posting anything until next year. There will be one more post.


I didn't plan on vaguely announcing an unfinished project as a third programming note but I did. Maybe it will light a fire under my ass. There's your "a few" programming notes. See you in 2014 and thanks for reading.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

What I Did on My Two-Week Vacation

I just took two weeks off work. You know what's great about taking two weeks off of work? That you don't have to work for two weeks. And that they keep paying you. Because they trust you to come back. You know, because they know you need the money. And that they'll let you come back. And that they'll let you take two weeks off again sometime in the future. At least that's how my job works. They let me use these "PTO Day" thingies. I get a bunch and can use them how I want for the most part. I mean, I can't use them all in a row. I've never really tried but I would bet they would be like, "Yeah, how about no." And I'd be all, "Yep. That seems right." Plus, it would be dumb. I wouldn't have any days left to use for the rest of the year. Or something. That's not really how it works because there's this system where we earn our days piece by piece by showing up for work or something. I'm not really clear on how it works. That's not true. I know exactly how it work I just don't feel like getting into it. 

ANYWAY, I was off the last two weeks. It was pretty great.

What did I do with my time? Here's a sample:

I went to the gym and got in the best shape of my life. I can now deadlift three horse-drawn carriages (my gym has some unconventional equipment.)

I ate an entire rotisserie chicken with my bare hands. By the way, this is the proper way to eat a rotisserie chicken. Standing, bare handed, towering over it like it might be your last meal and tearing the meat off the bones. You can even cackle loudly if you like. Or maybe grunt if the spirit strikes you. Feel free to suck on the bones. Lick your fingers. Tip the tray and drink the drippings. Make sure to spill them down your chin and the front of your bare chest. Did I mention that you should also be shirtless? Because you should also be shirtless. 

I captained a pirate ship in the Caribbean. I captured and plundered several Spanish and English ships. I also murdered several unsuspecting men. I did this all while playing the Edward Kenway character from Assassin's Creed IV.

I typed words into my computer that I hope to bring to you one day in some form or another. These are not those words. I am typing these words right now as you are reading them. It just seems like they are already there but they are not. They are only appearing as you read them. Even if you skip ahead, I'm typing those words, too. You can't prove this isn't the case. You can't prove they aren't there until you've read them because once you've read them they are there. Here. I mean here.

I hung lights on the outside of my house despite my better judgement. They are blue. 

I rediscovered my hatred of glitter. Is it possible to make a Christmas ornament that doesn't involve glitter? I'll tell you: NO. APPARENTLY IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. All ornaments have glitter. In fact, they have so much glitter that they seem to spontaneously create more glitter to cover all of the surfaces of my house and child. Glitter is a disease that needs to be purged from the Earth.

I reminisced with my wife about her competitive badminton days. Okay, part of that is not true. We did not reminisce about her competitive badminton days. She did, however, play competitive badminton.

I made Peppermint Loaf. No, that's not the name of the hottest new dance. The Peppermint Loaf. It should totally be the hottest new dance, though. Peppermint Loaf is this chocolate-peppermint bread... loaf. It's delicious and I'll make it again. Maybe I'll invite you over to try some but I probably won't. I like to keep it all for myself. IT'S MINE.

I taught my daughter to scream, "GO PACERS!" in the general direction of my wife (a Bulls fan.) It's my family's favorite new game. Well, it's my and Scarlett's favorite new game. 

I took naps. I took luscious, wonderful naps.

Also, I can squat twelve giant pandas. I can also catch and wrangle them onto a squat rack.